QUESTION
I have developed feelings for my boyfriend’s father.
I am a 35-year-old woman and I have been dating a 26-year-old man for the past eight months. Our relationship has been great and he even introduced me to his family. He lives with his 47-year-old father, who is a divorcee, and the problem started when I started spending a lot of time at my boyfriend's house. I have started developing feelings for his father and by the way he looks at me, I think he likes me too. I don't know what to do. Please help. ANONYMOUS, SOWETO
READERS ADVISE
ZOTHANDO NTENTULE
You can’t fall in love with two men living under the same roof. What if your Ben 10 sees you two? You will be the cause of tension or a fight. Will you forgive yourself if they killed each other for you? It is normal to have feelings for someone else, but it becomes a problem when you are unable to control yourself. It might happen that your father-in-law is not interested in you. You are seeing what you want to see.
SNEZULU SNEZULU
This is a hard one, but you said his father is divorced. So how long do you think this relationship will last? I think your feelings will decide for you. But this is going to break their father-and-son relationship.
KHAZAMOLA JAMES MACHEKE
You are a virus in that family, go before you destroy their father-and-son relationship. People like you are one-night-stand material. How can you lust after that old man? What about your boyfriend's feelings?
BOYCE VANQASE
Stick with your first choice, as the consequences could be really bad if you fall for the old man. What about his son and your relationship? Don’t be greedy, your life could also be in jeopardy.
EXPERT ADVICE
Joyce Seakamela, a counsellor who is based in Johannesburg, says, “Love is a beautiful thing when it is shared by two people. In your case, you are assuming that the 47-year-old man loves you by the way he looks at you. You have been in a relationship with his son, who is your Ben10, for the past eight months and within those eight months you believed and could see that he loves you. But the real question should be: What do you look for in a relationship? Are you looking for love, stability, growth and financial security? You need to be honest with yourself and be willing to live with the decision you are going to make. Remember that only what you want can make you happy."
