Question

SHOULD I GET TESTED BEFORE I CONFRONT HIM?

 I’m a 35-year-old woman and I have been married for six years. I recently took my car for a service and had to borrow my husband’s car. That was just a bad day for me because as soon as I drove out of our home, I got a flat tyre. When I stopped on the side of the road and reached in the boot to get the spare wheel, I found an ARV pill container in the spare wheel compartment.

 I felt so many emotions all at once. I felt so angry and had a panic attack. I don’t know what to do now. Should I get tested before I confront him? Or should I get my own revenge and make him pay for doing this to me? I’m even considering getting him arrested for hiding this from me.

Expert advice

Pam Gillingham, director at the Family Life Centre says, “It’s understandable that you are feeling confused, angry and panicked. However, it’s important to try to stay calm and rational while you figure everything out. There are a number of issues that need clarity.

“Perhaps rather than a confrontation, relate to your husband what transpired and simply ask him to explain to you what the pills were doing there. You may find an acceptable explanation for this. In any event, it is advisable for both of you to go for HIV testing, and then possibly enter into couple counselling sessions in order to manage the complexities that the relationship may have to face.”

Reader’s advice

RETHABILE TSOLO

Chances of your man infecting you might be slim if you are using condoms. It was wrong for him not to inform you about his status though. I would suggest you calm down before you address the matter. HIV is not a death sentence.

CASSIDY MOKGOBI

 I doubt you love your man, since the first thing that came to your mind was to get him arrested or get your revenge. For that my sister I think your husband is scared of you. That is why he didn’t tell you.

KANE LATTYMORE

Sit him down and talk about it. If you are still angry right now, wait to calm down so you won’t be aggressive because this is a sensitive matter. But you need to tell him the truth about how you found those pills. If he is man enough, he will man up and confess.

PW SEEMANE

What a selfish man. If he loved you, he would have told you or took you to a professional to break the news to you. He continued sleeping with you, risking your life while saving his own life by taking ARVs.