QUESTION

I am a 38-year-old woman and I have been married for 11 years. My husband and I have two daughters and our marriage was fine until I started noticing something very disturbing about him. I think my husband is having an affair with his male best friend. One day I walked in on them holding each other tight and when I confronted him about it, he got very defensive. They have been spending a lot of time together and even go on trips together, which never include me or anyone else. He comes home late and he hardly touches or even compliments me. I think my husband is sleeping with his friend, should I confront him? Please help. ANONYMOUS, JOBURG

READERS ADVISE

NOMTHANDAZO MABENA 

This is a tough one. Be upfront with him, but don’t be harsh because he will be defensive. Talk to him from the heart, and if he loves you, he will be honest with you. Just be prepared for whatever response he gives you.

DAVID DIZ-KID

This is a spiritual attack. Find a church and get deliverance. God has already blessed your marriage so walking away is not an option. Christ loves you.

THANDIE NXUMALO

Whether he is cheating with a man or woman doesn’t matter because you won’t change him. When it comes to love, never trust anyone. Trust God. His love never changes. Don’t trouble yourself with your husband.

STANLEY STANIG 

The signs are there for you to see, as painful as it might be. You deserve a much better and healthy environment. Just pack and leave. This is a marriage made in hell.

MABITSELA NAVELA

Confront him and ask him to be honest with you. If he becomes defensive, tell him that you are not comfortable with their friendship.

EXPERT ADVICE

Khulani Desmond Gxiba, a social worker based in East London, Eastern Cape, says, “It is clear that the situation you are faced with is painful. You need to speak with your partner in a very humble manner in order for you to discover what exactly is going on. You need to prepare your heart for any type of truth he might tell you. Once you feel that you are ready for your husband to provide you with clarity, then you can ask him about your concerns. You need to also reassure him that you will not judge him because what you need at this point is clarity more than a fight. Speak from the heart so that your husband understands the points you are trying to make. If your talk does not come up with clear solutions, ask him that the two of you talk to a professional, who will be neutral on the matter.