In love with my teacher
Question
I’m a 16-year-old girl and I’m in love with one of my teachers. He’s such a kind man and he never gets angry with any of his learners. He always helps them even if they aren’t in his class. I feel so close to him but I don’t think he knows – he’s never said anything. I’m scared to tell him or anyone else in case he gets into trouble but I really want us to have a proper relationship. What should I do? BESOTTED, SMS
Answer
Yes, you should be scared – because nothing should happen between the two of you as it’s not appropriate and he’ll definitely be in trouble. You’re only 16 and should be concentrating on your studies and finishing high school. You shouldn’t even be entertaining these feelings, let alone act on them by telling him how you feel. He hasn’t said anything because he sees you as a learner, nothing more. And that’s the way you should look at it too – see him as your teacher.
What you’re experiencing isn’t love. It’s a crush, and it’s normal, but you shouldn’t act on it. If you feel you’re ready to start dating, then consider doing so with boys who are more or less the same age as you. I would advise you not to pursue him – if he reciprocates your feelings he could end up being charged with statutory rape and will be fired from his job. He is an adult and should know that it would be wrong to have a relationship with a child, but you also have a responsibility to behave appropriately. Just enjoy your teenage years and let him be the honourable teacher he seems to be. His good manners should be something you aspire to rather than something you want to derail. I’m sure you have a sense of right and wrong, so try to forget about this and move on.
He’s neglecting us
Question
I’m 22 and have a baby who’s almost two. My guy is 28 and when we started dating he didn’t have a job, which was okay because I loved him. Now he’s working and at the end of every month I ask him for money to help buy things for me and the baby. His response is always that the money is finished but I don’t understand how. We’re supposed to be engaged but I always seem to be the last one to know what’s going on. What should I do?
Answer
It’s difficult when some-one you love doesn’t seem to value or prioritise you the way you value and prioritise them. It’s even harder if you feel the person is not being honest with you. There are many possible reasons for his behaviour but until you talk to him and he comes clean, you won’t be able to rectify the situation. It could be that he’s unable to prioritise when it comes to finances or that he feels his money is his and doesn’t want to share it with anyone. Talk to him. Tell him how it affects you, your child and your relationship when he acts like you’re not important to him. Make it clear to him that he can’t continue treating you this way. If he cares about you he’ll need to change his behaviour. But whether he chooses to stay in the relationship or not, he still has the responsibility to support his child financially. If all else fails you can go to your nearest magistrate’s court to apply for child support maintenance.
