Is he good enough for me?
Question
I dropped out of college and have been working since I was 19. I’m 26 now, have a good job and bought a car recently. I study part-time. My boyfriend is 23 and is a soccer player. He dropped out of school to focus on his game. When we speak about him going back to school, he says it’s too hard for him and now he’s just been released from his team and has no salary.
I’m supporting him – he stays with me and I buy all the groceries. He helps with the cooking and cleaning. I love him but soccer is not a good career and he has no other prospects. I sometimes feel he’s with me because I’m the only one who supports him.
Answer
Not sharing the same dreams and aspirations can cause a lot of strain in a relationship. It sounds like your boyfriend just doesn’t care about anything else in life but soccer. He might have thought that it would be enough to carry him through but now his dream has been cut short and he’s at a loss and doesn’t know what else to do. At this point he needs encouragement to start searching for new goals so he can find something else to do with his life – something that’s more realistic.
It doesn’t have to involve studying. You can support him in his new venture in the hope that it will make a difference to your relationship in the long run but make it clear to him that he needs to make a change because you cannot carry him.
Hey Sigmund suggests that “toxic relationships will cause monumental breakage to people, families and workplaces, but they aren’t necessarily the territory of the weak, downtrodden or insecure.” Ask yourself what it is that you really want from your partner, discuss it with him then make a decision.
Maybe you need to re-evaluate your relationship before it becomes toxic.
