QUESTION

I recently caught my friend sharing a bed with my boyfriend of five years. I was supposed to attend a business meeting out of town but I missed the flight and went back home thinking that I would catch another one the next day. My unemployed boyfriend had just dropped me off at the airport and left with the car, so I had to take a taxi. When I got home, he was in our bedroom naked with my friend. They confessed to have been secretly sleeping with each other for the past three years. This happened shortly after I took my friend in after her divorce. I feel betrayed and I have no words can explain what I’m feeling right now. I met my boyfriend when he had nothing. The two are still living under my roof. They apologised and promised that it won’t happen again. I love them both, but I don’t trust them anymore. Who should I let go? - CONCERNED LOVER

READERS ADVISE

LOUI NORMAN KGAGARA

I think you are making a very big mistake by letting them stay. Those two don’t love you. They have been playing you for three years. Now they are going to plan how to kick you out of your own house. Be careful about how you deal with this.

MAFANEDZA IVY PHOPHIGANGAZHE

Forgive both of them but let them go. They deserve each other. They managed to sleep together for three years without you noticing it. I think they have done enough damage.

PHINDIWE HISTORIAN MOILWA

You must not keep any of them. That woman is not a friend. You cannot keep someone like that around you. The man should go too because they have both played with your kindness. You deserve better.

SAMUEL BROWN

That is what happens when your boyfriend becomes friends with your friends. Now your friends want to test and see what makes you so happy. Next time know that your friends are your friends, not your man’s friends.

MOVE! EXPERT ADVICE

Samuel Khoza, a psychosocial expert from a Pretoria social work practice called NH Trainers, says, “You are such a caring woman. It is clear you were never connected to your boyfriend through material things. It’s a pity your boyfriend took advantage of your caring and thoughtful nature. But how do you still keep the lovers under the same roof? And what type of love do you have with both that makes you struggle to choose the one you want to let go? If you were hurt by your friend’s betrayal, I would suggest that you let go of her first because she never did what genuine friends are supposed to do. Your boyfriend must be dealt with as a cheating man. This means you need to talk about what the two of you want in a relationship. If he is being honest about what makes him cheat and you are willing to forgive, then do it. If his views about the future of the current relationship are not clear to you, let him go.”