Question

I introduced my best friend to a male friend of mine and recently they started seeing each other.

I’m happy for them but I also feel like I have been replaced. My best friend has no time for me anymore and sometimes doesn’t even bother replying to my messages. I don’t want to feel jealous, but I helped her so much when she was dumped by her last boyfriend.

Now I’ve lost two important people in my life and feel like I’ve been dumped too. How do I get over these feelings?

Read more: ‘Don’t see the need of a man’- Am I weird?

Answer

You did well helping your friend out when she needed you.

This is what friends are for. But it’s sad that you now feel left out. When we have relations we value, we do sometimes get hurt if or when changes occur to the dynamics of that relationship.

You need to tell both of them how you feel about the way they’re treating you now. Just make sure you don’t sound bitter or jealous. Whatever you say to them, say it with caution so they don’t feel offended by your words.

They both need to know how much you value them in your life and the different roles they play in it.

Author of The Self-Love Workbook, Shainna Ali wrote that research from Tel Aviv University and the Massachusetts Institute of Technology explains that people have poor perception in assessing who their friends are.

“Even if you are both giving your all, a mismatch can be impactful. Our hopes may fuel our expectations. Further, we may never make these intentions clear with our friends. In turn, our hopes may evolve into guilt, pressure, and entrapment, ultimately corroding the connection. It is important to sit your friends down and telling them how you feel about certain things,” she wrote.