My boyfriend says he wants to marry his ex-girlfriend, but I'm not interested in polygamy- what should I do?
Question
I’m 34 and have an eight-year-old son from a previous relationship.
I’m working and can provide for myself, am faithful, loving and don’t like arguments. My boyfriend and I have been dating for six years.
He has no children, has a well-paid job and takes very good care of us.
He recently told me he has another girlfriend whom he met before me and that he has no intention of leaving her.
He says she can’t have children and he wants to marry us both.
I’ve told him I’m not getting pregnant again without being married but I’m not interested in polygamy.
I think he’s using me for my ability to have children and I feel my time has been wasted.
I’ve tried to break up with him three times but always find myself back in his arms. We’ve agreed to try couple’s therapy but I’m in Durban and he’s in Ulundi.
If this is not sorted out soon I need to leave.
I want to get married and have more kids but I don’t want to share my husband.
Read more: We speak to the wives of a polygamist who say their domestic setup is blissful
Answer
It’s decision time. You seem to know exactly what you want and what’s necessary to make it happen.
All you need to do is make the decision and move on, wherever the road takes you. Your man wants to have his cake and eat it.
Why didn’t he tell you about this other woman when your relationship started?
Why wait for six years to tell you something so vital to the well-being of your relationship?
Going for therapy is a good idea because it will help you focus on the goal for your relationship and help you make the right decision.
The distance issue is a real challenge and just might be the deal breaker.
According to Psychology Today If you are unhappy in your relationship and considering polyamory as a “one-foot-out-the-door” strategy, please reconsider.
Not only is your original relationship unlikely to survive the rigors of honest communication and complex feelings, but your will most likely hurt the other people you date in your polyamorous experimentation.
If you know things are really over, then break up with your former relationship completely and take a moment to catch your breath before plunging into a poly relationship. It will save everyone involved excruciating pain.
