Question
My father is a womaniser. I always catch him with other women in taverns and now I’m fed up with his behaviour. Throughout my life I've seen him with numerous women and now I'm seriously gatvol.
When I was younger, he shut me up by buying me nice things. As I got older, I just decided to keep quiet because I didn’t want to hurt my mother.
Last week, I saw my dad with one of our family friends and that was the last straw for me. They were kissing and having oral sex, and I’m sure other people could see them too. This lady’s husband has been my father’s friend since they were children.
My father is a man with zero morals and I wonder if he would be bothered if he found out my boyfriend was cheating on me. I don't want to keep his dirty secrets anymore, but he has been a good father to me and I know he loves me dearly. Should I tell my mother? - FED UP DAUGHTER
MOVE! EXPERT ADVICE
Thuli Bottoman, a senior counselling social worker at The Family Life Centre, says, “It's unfair of your father to give you the task of keeping his behaviour secret.
Your silence with this has sent him signals that you will not tell your mother. He might presume you're on his side and not concerned about this behaviour and its impact on you and your mother.
Keeping this secret forever could ultimately be damaging to you and your mother’s relationship. There's a good chance she will find out that you knew all along and your silence might feel like a betrayal.
For this reason, you do need to tell your mother. You might find it helpful to seek the assistance of an impartial counsellor who will assist you with how to break the news to your mother.”
READER’S ADVISE
EMIHLE LORRAINE HEJANA
Yes, you should tell your mother. For her safety, because he might be having unprotected sex and there are many diseases nowadays. So, please do tell her.
TLHOGONOLO NONHLANHLA XIMBA
Don’t get involved. She might know her husband is cheating and she hasn’t said anything to you because she’s trying to protect you from getting hurt.
MASEGO MONCHWE
Maybe she knows and has been talking to him about it but he's not ready to stop because he's not a man. That’s why you still find him at the tavern. And maybe she chooses to stay because of you and your siblings.
LIZIWE THOBOZA
Talk to him first. If he doesn’t stop then tell your mom. I hope he’s using protection because if not, your mom is at the risk of being infected.
