QUESTION

I have a big secret that is making me miserable and I'm so confused about what to do. My gogo has a Ben 10. And now I’m so embarrassed because I was seeing the same guy a few years ago and we have a three-year-old child together.

I’ve always lied to him and my family about the paternity of my child so no one knows he's the father. I was still studying when I fell pregnant and this man had me feeling like a love-sick puppy and we ended up not using protection whenever we made love.

I was depressed when I found out about the pregnancy because I wasn’t ready to be a mother. The reason I lied is because this man is unemployed, and he's not a very responsible person. Now I'm at crossroads as I know this man is only using my gogo.

I'm embarrassed for her sake and I don’t want to be the bearer of bad news in the family. How do I deal with this? – CONFUSED

MOVE! EXPERT ADVICE

Thuli Bottoman, senior counselling social worker at the Family Life Centre in Johannesburg, says: “Your gogo is living her own life and you are not responsible for her.

The same applies to your ex-boyfriend. Since you are no longer an item, you should not care much about who he's romantically involved with.

It's very interesting that you seem to be raising serious concerns about your ex-boyfriend who you neglected to reveal to your family in the past, especially regarding his identity as your baby daddy.

The big question you need to answer is, who are you protecting by not telling the child who their father is?

You have been protecting this man all your child’s life but they will want to know about their paternity at some stage. Secrets have a habit of surfacing. Are you sure this is not about your own feelings about this man?”

MOVE! READERS ADVISE

PRECILLA MASHILWANE

Tell the guy and your family about your big secret. Even though it may be hard, you need to come clean for your child’s sake. Secrets have a way of coming out and if this happens in your situation, the damage will be much more devastating.

SELBY MAHUMANE

Such things do happen nowadays. I suggest you arrange a family meeting and reveal the truth. They will decide the way forward. Although this might affect the family’s reputation, it will be much easier to mend broken relations.

PRECIOUS MATHEBULA

Yoh! Tell your gogo that her Ben 10 is your baby daddy. You can’t be eating the same stock. Even if that relationship continues, you will have a clear conscious that at least you warned your gogo about this man.

MCDONALD KATLEGO

Don’t mess up things for Magogo. You had your turn, now let gogo enjoy the game too. If you warn her about her man, she will think you're jealous of her. This may strain your relationship. It's better she finds out herself that this man is not good.