Question

I have been cheating with my pastor during counselling sessions.

The love of my life recently paid lobola in full and we are planning to get married in December. Like any other relationship, we have our own fair share of problems which we solve by attending premarital counselling with our pastor.

Everyone at our church and family has been so supportive and want to see the marriage work. The pastor suggested that we also have separate sessions sometimes. I would always have sex with the pastor during the individual sessions.

Sex with him is always great, he’s just full of youthful energy. But all my problems started when a USB stick fell out of my partner’s pocket when I was doing the laundry. I opened it and found a sex tape of my partner and the pastor I have been sleeping with.

 I’m embarrassed to confront both of them because I have also recorded a sex tape of myself and the pastor. I don’t know if I should continue with the marriage and having sex with the pastor. Ever since we started the sessions, we have been so happy. I feel bad and I want to fix the issue. Please help me find a solution to this matter.

 Expert advice

Samuel Khoza, a social worker from social work healthcare organisation, NH Trainers, says, “I’m puzzled by how you perceive happiness. You are not faithful, your husband is not faithful and the pastor is unfaithful too.

 A dangerous love triangle has been created and it is sad that you have discovered this reality which you have played some part in it. You need to break this love triangle because it is harmful and you are more likely to be socially, emotionally and spiritually aggrieved in due course. Continuing with the marriage needs you and your husband to decide because he also has his side of the story that contributes to his unfaithfulness.

Just like you, your husband needs to decide what he needs in a relationship. Discuss your relationship issues and ultimately decide what you want to do with the marriage.

Reader’s advice

SHERLEY RAPHAHLELO

The foundation of your marriage will contain lies, trust issues, secrets and dishonesty. Leave that church and let your partner find himself. Go somewhere and start all over again, hopefully on a clean slate.

JABULILE MAVUNDLA I

t seems like you are both unfaithful to each other. Your marriage will be based on lies, rather come clean with your partner since you are both dishonest. He should be cut off from church.

PHATSIMO SEBULELA

Sorry dear, but you both have been played by this pastor. There is minimal chance your relationship will survive this dark secret. Expose this pastor for who he is and move on with your life.

TELLO SENYARELO

Two wrongs don’t make a right. What’s the point of going for counselling if you are both doing things that are destroying your relationship? Your families will be affected by this as well.