Question
My husband says he wants us to be happy but he’s always angry and shouts at me. We can only be happy when he’s happy. Now he got a promotion at work so he should be happy but instead he doesn’t say goodbye when he leaves in the morning and he comes back after we’re asleep. The only one he talks to is our son. I don’t know what to do.
Answer
It’s sad and emotionally draining when you see someone you love, who you’ve made dreams and plans with, change right in front of your eyes. You seem distraught that he’s changed into someone you can hardly recognise.
Disregarding you by not communicating with you is childish behavior and I wonder what he believes he’ll achieve by it. If the household is warm only when he’s happy it means he thinks that no one else’s feelings matter.
He acts like he’s married to himself and no one else matters but him. His actions seem to be saying he doesn’t want to be with you anymore, but you can’t simply assume that. You need to talk to him about how his behavior makes you feel. He needs to stop being a coward and talk about his feelings and the reasons for his behavior.
I know this isn’t what you envisaged life would be like being married to him. Talk to him about this. If you can’t do it alone, then the intervention of a marriage counsellor will help you both to sort this out.
Jed tells us some of the reasons why men suddenly become moody and mean towards their partners, how they lose their male identities and purpose. He also highlights how men can try change this problem.
