QUESTION
My man is threatening to leave me because I've lost weight. I was sick for some time but I'm well now. He says he used to love my big bum and big stomach but now he's no longer attracted to me.
I used to be a size 46 and now I'm 34. I don’t know what to do because he won’t even touch me. Instead, he watches BBW (big black women) porn in front of me and masturbates.
I've been trying to overeat but my body is just not coming back fast enough. I feel abused. What should I do? – DEPRESSED
Read more: Shoki Mmola on surviving her abusive marriage: “I am 5kgs heavier and happier”
MOVE! EXPERT ADVICE
Life coach Thembi Hama says, “I’m sorry that at a time when you need sympathy, compassion and care, your man focuses on your physique. This was something you didn't plan or wish for – it was an illness that was beyond your control.
For it to be used against you to deny you intimacy is sad. What's even more cruel is the fact that he now watches pornography and masturbates in front of you.
“If the terms of the relationship are no longer being met (big bum and big stomach), it appears to me that you have no other choice but to part ways. Trying to squeeze yourself into his ideal will not help you. Even if you miraculously wake up with your old body, it sets a bad precedence for him in future to demand the impossible or else he will replace you. What next?
One day when you're old he'll tell you he didn’t sign up for wrinkles! “Find a man in future who values who you are in character and not so much on how you look. Looks deteriorate with time but true love conquers it all.
“You’ve been through a lot and my advice to you now is to look after and nurture yourself, rest and heal. The right person will come along and see value where he didn’t. Look at yourself the way God sees you.”
MOVE! READERS ADVISE
ESTHER MAHLANGU
I once experienced the same problem as yours. My man used to be unhappy when I gained weight because he was concerned about my health. It’s up to you to choose your life or your man. It’s that simple.
THAMI JACKSON
This thing is very simple because he's made it clear he's no longer interested in you. Don't force things. All you have to do is pack your bags and go. You will find someone who will truly love you.
NOMTHANDAZO MABENA
This man didn’t love you in the first place. You were sick, for crying out loud! A respectful man would love you the way you are, no matter the circumstances. You deserve better than this. Leave this man!
GALESHEWE LEMME
The problem is your man never loved you, so it’s not good for you to put yourself under pressure trying to impress him. If you're meant to be together, you will be. But if not, don’t be afraid to let him go.
