Question
HER FATHER HAS NEVER BEEN PART OF HER LIFE
My child has been having nightmares, and she is constantly sick. I have taken her to medical doctors, but they have never figured out what the problem is.
A friend recommended that we should go to see a traditional healer who told me that my child’s problems won’t stop unless she meets with her father’s family, and starts using her father’s surname.
The problem is that I don’t want her involved with him and his family because he didn’t pay damages or maintained her. What can be done about this?
EXPERT ADVICE
Mandisa Murge, a counselling social worker at the family life centre in Johannesburg, says, “If you believe in traditional practices, I suggest that you locate the father and tell him about your daughter’s illness.
Maybe there are rituals that they perform in his family and your child can be assisted. Even if you have ended your relationship with him, try to be civil with him because he has to be part of your child’s life. He has to do what needs to be done traditionally for his child to take his surname. He also has to maintain his child.
As much as parents do not want to engage with their exes about their children’s upbringing, some things cannot be avoided.
MOVE! READER’S ADVICE
MIMI MAKAPELA
If you think it will do your child any good, then you can contact her father and tell him about your daughter’s illness so that you can find common ground and a way forward.
MPHO NTOMANE
You don’t have to change your child’s surname. You need to introduce her to your ancestors. Let your parents or elderly family members buy a sheep for a ceremony to welcome the child to your family. The ancestors will then accept her into your family.
KHULEKA MATIWANE
Don’t punish your child because of the behaviour of her father. Do the right thing so that her surname can be changed. Do the traditional ritual for the welfare of your daughter because she really needs this. Otherwise, you may lose her permanently.
NOMTHANDAZO MABENA
If it’s for the good of the child, you should consider doing it. The father might have been irresponsible and refused to support the child in the past, but the child does not need to suffer for her father’s sins.