Being in a relationship often means that there are certain things you have to adjust to, compromise and change to make it work. Women are attracted to different men for different reasons.
Move! speaks to experts to find out about the dynamics of being in a relationship with an influential man. While power and wealth may be attractive, these things do not mean a guarantee for a perfect man and a happily ever after.
POWER IS ATTRACTIVE
Registered counsellor, Emma Shabangu, based in the North West, says most women may find that power is attractive and might find it easy to fall in love with an influential man. “Power and wealth do not equal happiness and perfection.
This is why many marriages and relationships based on this fail,” she says. “It is every woman’s dream to have a good life. While some women work hard to have this life, others are lucky to get themselves a rich and successful man to take care of their needs.
As beautiful as it may be to have an influential man next you, there are pros and cons of this kind of relationship.” Whether you are attracted or in love with him for who he is and not for his power or money, there are adjustments and set of expectations that come with dating a man who is well-known.
According to Emma, “The disadvantages of dating a man with power are as many as the advantages. As mentioned, the influence that this relationship will have in your life will also depend on your intentions of being in this relationship as well. I, however, find that the cons of dating an influential man can be very detrimental.”
THE GOOD AND THE BAD
The pros
The biggest advantage of dating an influential man would be having a luxurious life without working hard or spending any of your money on it, and everyone will envy you.
If you also love power, you are then associated with other powerful men and women.
Since your man is connected, you get to connect with other high-profile individuals and if you are a career-woman this can work to your advantage.
For those women who are also career-driven and who enjoy challenges, this could be a bonus to have someone who can boost your career or business and challenge you at the same time.
Psychologically it can boost your self-esteem. It will give you a first-class sense of belonging. This can also make you feel important in the society or around your social networks.
If you are not career-driven, you can be a stay home mom or housewife while you are taken care of.
THE CONS
Abuse: This can expose you to abuse. Some influential, rich and successful men turn to be abusive towards their women as a result of their controlling behaviour. They will either be physically, psychologically or emotionally abusive. The abuse may also be as a result of their own insecurities at times.
Lose yourself: You can easily lose yourself trying to fit in with the rich man. You may change the way you dress, how you used to do things, you may even lose touch with your dreams and purpose. Being addicted: You may want to date only rich men. Having to date an average man may make you feel like you have lowered your standards.
Change of lifestyle: One may change their lifestyle and also change friends.
Loneliness: Sometimes dating an influential man can make you feel lonely if he is a man who travels a lot. If you are just a trophy girlfriend or wife, who is only expected to look good and show up at ‘VIP’ events, you may feel used and not so important.
Insecurity and low self-esteem: Men with money tend to have more than one romantic relationship. As a result, this may make you feel insecure around another beautiful woman who may appear to be a threat to you.
Staying at home: This will mean you cannot progress in terms of career. Should the relationship end, you will have to start at a very low-level income in your career and it will be very hard to sustain or have a luxurious life again. This is what makes some women stay in toxic relationships, fearing to lower their standards.
CHANGING FOR LOVE
A life coach from Joburg, Thembi Hama, says no person should change their life to suit anyone’s life whether rich or poor, because sooner or later they will begin to feel they have a life that is not authentic and that brings strife in the relationship.
“Women can still date influential men without still own who she is and be loved for who and what she is,” she says.
“That’s what makes the relationship steady and firm because there is no pretence on either side.” She adds though that this is not an excuse not to look good or to be shabby, this is to say that women must do what makes them comfortable regardless of who they are dating.
FEELINGS OF FEAR
Emma warns that in the process of things changing in one’s life to suit the desires of the man in your life, it is unfortunate that one may also need to change friends and some even go to the extent of turning against their families.
“No man is an island, you need other people. When you have everything that money can buy, you may think that you do not need people in your life. Your man can also refuse for you to socialise because of his own insecurities or because of his controlling tendencies,” she says.
“Once you see this happening, abuse may just be at the door step. He will start giving you ultimatums, rules or even threaten you.”
This can cause feelings of fear, anxiety, loneliness, the list is endless. It is advisable for women to find something that they love, grow it and succeed in it without looking at a man to provide. “Some women agree to a proposal blindly, only looking at the materialistic things and forgetting that it takes more than money to be happy and fulfilled in a relationship,” she says.
Reader’s advice
DINKY PRISCY
Not at all. Stay true to yourself. Your confidence breaks all barriers. The more you fake, the lesser you know yourself.
PETER MAKUTU
It is not right to change yourselves. That influential man fell in love with you the way you are and you may hurt yourself.
CASWELL MATSEMELA
There is no need for a woman to change herself for anyone. They must be true to themselves and never let any man change them
