Men are usually applauded for thinking and acting on it all the time, but we frown upon women who have a high sex drive. Well, things are changing, and we are here to tell you that you’re not a freak for wanting to make love with your man all the time.
When a couple has mismatched sex drives, it can cause tension and sexual frustration. Relationship expert Paula Quinsee says, “When it comes to doing the ‘deed’, sometimes our partners are just not in the mood and that’s okay. We all have ‘off’ days. Other times there may be contributing factors such as stress at work, a bumpy patch, or your libidos are not totally aligned.”
According to a study conducted by a leading female sexuality expert, Dr Meredith Chivers of Queen’s University in Canada, women are naturally as desiring of sex as men and more easily bored by monogamy. The fact that many women find themselves in this scenario doesn’t make it any easier. But experts say even if that’s the case, it doesn’t mean you need to sit back and wait for a miraculous change. You’re responsible for changing how you handle this issue.
TELL HIM. YOU WANT IT
If you want sex, ask for it. If you’re unsatisfied in a relationship, communication is crucial. Most women don’t ask because they’re afraid of rejection or making him feel worthless. So how do you go about raising this issue with your partner in a manner that won’t cause conflict? According to relationship therapist Louis Venter, “the secret is to understand each other’s sexual stories and to learn how to talk to each other about sex in vulnerability and kindness; to ask for more sex in a way that steers away from blame and shame and contribute to feelings of intimacy and connection.”
Talking about sex and asking for more is one of the most difficult conversations to have because it’s personal and uncomfortable. When done carelessly, it can bring about feelings of shame. Experts agree that if Nomvula is still committed to her relationship, then she should dig deeper – there may be a serious reason why her boyfriend is avoiding sex.
READ MORE: Five ways to turn him on
CREATE THE DESIRE
Generally, it is men who initiate sex. When your man’s not making any moves, there could be several factors leading to that, such as stress. To help him relax, maybe give him a back rub. We all know that stress is the biggest challenge when it comes to arousal for men. While he’s at work, send him a seductive picture of yourself or a flirty text. That way, he’ll be thinking about you all day; he’ll look forward to meeting you at home.
Quinsee recommends reminding your man about all the great times you had together. “Use things such as flirty texts, suggestive comments, reminding him of a time before when you had hot sex together, dress or undress seductively in front of him. If he’s under a lot of stress, get active together to reduce the stress so you can have some fun together. Nothing beats getting all hot and sweaty together and then bringing it indoors for a shower where you can soap each other off,” she says.
Explore new stuff
Spicing things up in the bedroom might be something your sex life needs to bring that groove back. Try something new: introduce sex toys, watch porn together and prolong your foreplay.
Quinsee says, “Don’t be afraid to initiate sex. Oftentimes, we wait for him to make the rst move. Some men actually get turned on by you taking the lead and that might just be the thing he needs. Never underestimate the power of an unexpected touch – like casually grazing his arm, the back of his neck, all those hot spots that you know will make him shiver.” Take charge