So, I've got this friend. Let's call him *S. We've been hanging out for a while and he's pretty cool. A great shag that can hold down a conversation and a proper job, *S makes me laugh and takes my (occasional) bullshit like a man – with his chin up and his mouth shut. As far as lovers go, he currently rates number one.

But something else sets *S apart in my life. He was the first black man I ever slept with.

I'd like mine tall, dark, and...
At the time, this was more than just a turn on, this was a real eye-opener. I grew up in very white suburbia during the tail-end of apartheid. Where I was, the grass was always green and the neighbours always white.

I left South Africa before the rainbow nation became interesting. You can imagine my surprise when I came back home a few years later.

Pubs, bars, restaurants, theatres, sidewalk cafes, hell even churches, were awash with colours mixing and talking, hanging out and being friends. Blacks, coloureds, Indians, whites, pink people, purple people – we were all merry. Merry and shagging. At least in Cape Town we were. And certain parts of Jozi.


It was beautiful. My heart rejoiced, my eyes grew keen, because what are colours to do but to mix. We were finally privy to what the rest of the world had been enjoying for decades: options.

Dessert cart
It was a brave new world of variety. Now that we had all settled in to this equality thing, I realised I could finally sit in the restaurant of life with more than just a choice of vanilla, vanilla or vanilla on the dessert menu. I don't know about you, but I like a little colour in my food thank you very much.

Needless to say, I did the only proper thing a white girl should do in the name of nation-building and reconciliation. I got myself a black boyfriend.

Black-men-and-penis-size-once-you-go-black-you-never-go-back quips aside, there's something to be said for the sheer visual impact of getting naked with someone of a different colour.

It's much like finally being allowed to shave your legs for the first time when you're a girl – it's quite normal and natural but there's something so crazy sexy about it you just keep wanting to feel yourself up.

And I know I'm not the only one curious to explore our new a la carte dessert cart. I don't know how many of you trawl dating sites or personals columns, but if you do, you'd have noticed how many people are becoming particular about the colour of the sex partners they're looking for. White guys looking for coloured girls, black guys out for a little pale play...

*S was lamenting the other day how some people still insist on getting personal exclusively with folks of their skin colour. But each to their own, as my mother always says. As for me? I'm enjoying the new menu. Bring on the crème brûlée, I say, the chocolate mousse, the caramel custard and coconut twirls...

...Variety is, after all, the sweet spice of life is it not?

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