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While causally scrolling through my Facebook feed, I found a post on an anonymous confessions page on the platform.
The post started off by saying "Girls... good guys are everywhere". I rolled my eyes because I had some inclination of where this post was going - someone was about to preach about how amazing nice guys are.
But I continued reading until I reached the comment section. Women were not impressed. One comment by a Facebook user caught my eye. It said:
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I found her stance an interesting way of thinking about what the nice guy trope actually means. The nice guy does not exist, it is a myth that needs to be debunked so that people can stop hinging their misfortunes on it. Are you really a nice guy if you have to announce it?
Author of "No More Mr Nice Guy" Dr Robert Glover did an in-depth study called The Nice Guy Syndrome. He explains that nice guys follow what he calls covert contracts which are:
- "If I am a good guy, then everyone will love me and like me (and people I desire will desire me").
- "If I meet other people’s needs without them having to ask, then they will meet my needs without me having to ask."
- "If I do everything right, then I will have a smooth, problem-free life."
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So-called nice guys believe that their actions are adequate enough to allow them to skate through life. It also does not help that the nice guy trope seems to be loved by television shows and movies. In movies the nice guy appears as the 'dogged nice guy' according to Tvtropes.org. The 'dogged nice guy' appears as someone who falls madly in love with a woman (usually a long time friend). The woman shows no interest in him but our 'dogged nice guy' continues to pursue her by being there for her so that one day she will change her mind and they can live happily ever after.
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This trope sometimes convinces people that being nice is enough to get the girl.
In a satirical article published in The New Yorker, Bob Vulfov explains how he uses his niceness to exploit women. He further says, "I also constantly befriend women with the sole intention of slowly manipulating the friendship into a romantic relationship," highlighting that many nice guys never have pure intentions with their niceness.
As Bob Vulfov illustrates, women see right through the intentions of so-called nice guys and are not falling for it. There is more to wanting a relationship with someone than them being "nice".
The problem with the nice guy is that his niceness is not genuine. He always wants something in return. He basically uses niceness as a way to manipulate women. Even if he does get the girl sooner or later his true persona is revealed and that relationship does not last that long.
WATCH: DATING NICE GUYS?! | Myth Matchmaker w/ Claudia Sulewski
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