Falling in love, again

"You have such an exciting life," I groaned when she told me how her latest love – with whom she'd been out dancing until 4am on a week night – showered her with gorgeous gifts. "So, what have you been up to?," she asked brightly, oblivious to my inward angst. How did one make domestic routine sound like connubial bliss when the highlight of my day had been the hour my partner and I spent together in the garden admiring our new roses?

Because we’re such close friends I was totally honest and to my astonishment, she’s the one who groaned – out loud. "That sounds so wonderful. You are so lucky to be in love. To have a man to wake up with every day; a man who so obviously adores you." Which made me think: I am a very lucky woman, but sometimes I miss that tummy-fluttering, toe-tingling rush of falling in love that, after seven years together, has been buried under domestic responsibility and the demands of our jobs.

So I rounded up some smug-marrieds, the blissfully partnered and some stubbornly single who fall in love as often as I have breakfast, and here are some of their suggestions on how to keep falling in love, again and again.

Go on a date
Nina, a no-nonsense New Yorker of awesome intellect, says she and her husband of 34 years go on a date every Friday. Sometimes they'll dress up, have dinner at a restaurant and hold hands across the table. Or they'll stay at home, kick out the kid and his friends, turn off the phone and concentrate on each other. What they talk about is equally important: "We have a list of banned subjects during our private times. No finances, scheduling, parents, stuff like that. Just art, literature, ideas, sex..."

Have a massage-a-deux
Camille and John spent their first anniversary at a spa. Many of our local spas are designed to include two massage tables per room so you and your partner can enjoy massages together. Look for one with subdued lighting, gentle music, running water and fragrant oils. Or have the masseurs come to your home. It'll reinforce the pleasure you share in each other, in a place you're both comfortable in.

Send yourself an e-mail
Remember those e-mails you sent to your friends when you first met your man? How you described him? The glowing words you used? Do it again – only this time send the e-mail to yourself. You’ll be surprised at how easily we forget why we love them so much.

Spoil him
There's no better reminder of the first flush of romance than giftgiving. Avoid the things he needs – like a new spanner or woollen jumper – and impress him with imagination and flair. Vintage wine from Distell (to be shared with you, of course), Von Geusau's decadent chilli chocolates or the aftershave that drives you wild. If you're short on cash, take out your old pencil crayons or make use of the graphics package on your PC and make up a "love voucher" which he can exchange (from you) for an hour-long back tickle, sex in the shower or breakfast in bed.

Take an interest
Remember how, when you first met, you used to pretend to love soccer so he'd spend his Saturday afternoons with you rather than with his mates at the local stadium? Chances are he's discovered your true feelings by now but you could surprise him by learning the names of a few top players and Bafana Bafana’s standing in the Cosafa Cup just to remind him that you care.

Take a break
Whether it's a weekend away with a girlfriend or a three-day business trip that old cliché "absence makes the heart grow fonder" works like a charm. Every time I go away without him, my partner celebrates my return by producing a delicious dinner and a bottle of bubbly.

Love yourself
Probably the most important rule. If you hate your body, are depressed about your age or feel intellectually inferior, you'll never be able to love someone else. Celebrate who you are by reminding yourself every day that the person you share your life with is with you because they want to be. You're not holding a gun to his head, he's not handcuffed to the bed (well, not under sufferance anyway).

Flirt
There's no better ego-booster than flirting. Try it on the waiter when you lunch with your girlfriends; give the bank teller a knowing smile; glance suggestively at the pizza man. That lightheaded thrill you get when a flirtation is reciprocated is a wonderful way to remind yourself that you're irresistibly sexy. Just don't take the bank teller home.

How did you get the love back in your marriage? We'd like to know. Share your tips and stories in the comment box below...