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After much consideration, I've decided that as far as dating goes, the following are bullshit stand-in phrases: ‘Going for drinks’, ‘hanging out’, ‘doing media swaps’ or ‘maybe hooking up at the party’.
This is what I do with friends.
It’s the kind of non-committal rubbish we kick about because we’re too lame to put our hearts on our sleeves in case someone we like doesn't like it there.
But you can’t bitch about being in the friend zone if being a friend is the only way you've ever acted or accepted being treated.
So okay, I know that ‘going on a date’ is considered passé for all but those doing online dating. (And really, those are more like bad interviews.)
But honestly? All I’m seeing are more and more people flouncing about in Limboland, complaining about being single while they’re still kinda-maybe-sorta being friends with someone they’re into.
The idea is to ‘scope the situation out’, until ‘something works out’ or they get drunk one day and have sex. And then freak out when Mr Man declares his undying friendship or starts sleeping with someone else he’s actually into. Now that’s an awkward, unwelcome conversation.
What a horrible, grey area of missed intentions.
You see, for me, setting an intention – like asking someone out on an actual date – makes it clear that you don’t want to be ‘just a friend’.
It’s not saying I want to put a ring on it either, but it just cuts through a lot of misunderstanding and confusion. And time wasted.
Let me give you two of the easiest, most classic examples in my dating oeuvre and you decide which you’d prefer.
Bachelor One tells me from the start he’s into me, asks me out on a date and proceeds to plan activities around touch.
We go do some hands-on clay work, followed by dinner that requires you to use your hands, followed by dessert at a restaurant that…
Well we never got to that dessert because we took dessert at home, which was all very hands-on. Not so nudge-nudge, wink-wink.
Then there’s Bachelor Two. He is clearly into me, but can’t seem to get the words out. We go for countless dinners, where he drops hints and allegations, tries to make lingering pauses and offers suggestive comments.
We are ‘hanging out’. We ‘hang out’ a lot. He’s hinting that he’d like to ‘hang out’ at my house for dinner and I’m pretty certain, despite all our friendly ‘hanging out’ in the friend zone, he’ll try to sleep with me then.
I could say something, but I've gotten pretty comfy out here in the F-to-the-Z.
And don’t think the onus is all on the guys to make the first date call.
I'm not going to pretend that I don’t prefer a guy who knows what he wants and isn't afraid to say so, but I'm not afraid to either.
I've done my share of asking out. And you know what? Most of them turned me down. It sucks, but there you go. Time wasted: Zero. Self-confidence: Healthy and intact.
So I propose a move back to dating, where we actually ask people we want to get jiggy with on an actual date and then do date-like, fun activities – ice-skating maybe, or sundowner picnics on the beach.
Use your imagination. Swapping series over a few beers is the Onesie of the dating world.
Let’s stop acting like teenagers debilitated by ‘whatever’, shall we? Let’s get interesting again about being interested.
Dating is dead, long live dating.
Follow Dorothy Black's blog, Facebook and Twitter pages.
Follow Women24 on Twitter or like us on Facebook.
This is what I do with friends.
It’s the kind of non-committal rubbish we kick about because we’re too lame to put our hearts on our sleeves in case someone we like doesn't like it there.
But you can’t bitch about being in the friend zone if being a friend is the only way you've ever acted or accepted being treated.
So okay, I know that ‘going on a date’ is considered passé for all but those doing online dating. (And really, those are more like bad interviews.)
But honestly? All I’m seeing are more and more people flouncing about in Limboland, complaining about being single while they’re still kinda-maybe-sorta being friends with someone they’re into.
The idea is to ‘scope the situation out’, until ‘something works out’ or they get drunk one day and have sex. And then freak out when Mr Man declares his undying friendship or starts sleeping with someone else he’s actually into. Now that’s an awkward, unwelcome conversation.
What a horrible, grey area of missed intentions.
You see, for me, setting an intention – like asking someone out on an actual date – makes it clear that you don’t want to be ‘just a friend’.
It’s not saying I want to put a ring on it either, but it just cuts through a lot of misunderstanding and confusion. And time wasted.
Let me give you two of the easiest, most classic examples in my dating oeuvre and you decide which you’d prefer.
Bachelor One tells me from the start he’s into me, asks me out on a date and proceeds to plan activities around touch.
We go do some hands-on clay work, followed by dinner that requires you to use your hands, followed by dessert at a restaurant that…
Well we never got to that dessert because we took dessert at home, which was all very hands-on. Not so nudge-nudge, wink-wink.
Then there’s Bachelor Two. He is clearly into me, but can’t seem to get the words out. We go for countless dinners, where he drops hints and allegations, tries to make lingering pauses and offers suggestive comments.
We are ‘hanging out’. We ‘hang out’ a lot. He’s hinting that he’d like to ‘hang out’ at my house for dinner and I’m pretty certain, despite all our friendly ‘hanging out’ in the friend zone, he’ll try to sleep with me then.
I could say something, but I've gotten pretty comfy out here in the F-to-the-Z.
And don’t think the onus is all on the guys to make the first date call.
I'm not going to pretend that I don’t prefer a guy who knows what he wants and isn't afraid to say so, but I'm not afraid to either.
I've done my share of asking out. And you know what? Most of them turned me down. It sucks, but there you go. Time wasted: Zero. Self-confidence: Healthy and intact.
So I propose a move back to dating, where we actually ask people we want to get jiggy with on an actual date and then do date-like, fun activities – ice-skating maybe, or sundowner picnics on the beach.
Use your imagination. Swapping series over a few beers is the Onesie of the dating world.
Let’s stop acting like teenagers debilitated by ‘whatever’, shall we? Let’s get interesting again about being interested.
Dating is dead, long live dating.
Follow Dorothy Black's blog, Facebook and Twitter pages.
Follow Women24 on Twitter or like us on Facebook.
