Question

Dating a married man

I’m 27 and I’ve been dating a 35-year-old man for two years. Everything between us is great, but he’s married. I don’t know what happened in his marriage but he hasn’t lived with his wife for more than two years. My main concern is whether we have a future together. Maybe I’m just keeping another woman’s man happy until they decide to fix things. I love this man and know he loves me, but I want security. What should I do?

Answer

Two years seems like a long time for someone to be kept in limbo and not know where they stand in a relationship. Your man needs to be upfront with you and tell you what he intends to do about his marriage and where your relationship is going. You’re too young to be holding out for something that might not happen. Your situation now is simply this: you’re dating a married man. It’s time he gives you an idea of his intentions and if he doesn’t do so you should consider moving on.

Question

Am I asking too much?

I’m an 18-year-old girl in a long distance relationship with a 29-year-old guy. I know he loves me but if he doesn’t call me every day I feel so down. Am I being unreasonable and obsessive?

Answer

It’s perfectly normal that you’d feel as if there’s something missing when you don’t talk to someone you love. It has nothing to do with obsession or insecurity, but how emotionally connected you are to that person. Long-distance relationships can be challenging and you and your partner should discuss how the flame can be kept alive. Come to an agreement and stick to it.

Question

I feel afraid and alone

I’m 23 and have a three-year-old son. Last year I found love and before I knew it I was pregnant. I decided to leave my parents’ house and move in with my partner. The problem is he drinks too much. I have a man from Monday to Thursday, but at the weekend I’m stuck at home alone. We fight about this all the time, but I’m afraid to speak to our families about it because we’re not married so I don’t have a leg to stand on. I constantly regret my unborn baby and wish I could leave my partner and raise my kids alone, but I’m afraid and don’t want another failed relationship. Sometimes I feel suicidal and I don’t trust myself. Please help.

Answer

It seems as if you rushed into moving in with him so soon after hooking up. You should’ve given yourself time to get to know him first, even though you were pregnant. If both your families are fine with you living together, then there’s no harm in you talking to them about your concerns. If you feel they could help sort things out you should definitely approach them. If that doesn’t work, suggest to your partner that you go for couple’s therapy. Call the Family Life Centre on 011-788- 4784 for assistance.