Question

I’m 24 and dating a 26-year-old guy. We’ve been together since 2013 and were blessed with a baby girl in 2014. He’s never introduced us to his parents and has always kept us a secret. Back then I understood his reasons – he’d tell his parents once he got a job so they didn’t have to worry about caring for me and the baby – but he started working in 2016 and I waited patiently for him to fulfill his promise.

He tells me his parents know about me and the baby but I’m wondering why they haven’t asked to meet us and I’m not sure what to believe. He’s a good man who loves us. I’m a beneficiary of some of his policies too. But when I ask him about meeting his family he gets angry and tells me it’s not important because he loves us and will take care of us, which confuses me.  

Answer

If his intentions towards you were good it’s indeed strange he hasn’t yet introduced you to at least some family members by now. It does seem he’s playing hide-and-seek with you and won’t ever take you to meet them. You say he promised he’d introduce you once he was employed, so it’s hard to

understand what’s stopping him now. You have to realise that even if he has told them about you there’s nothing the family can do if he doesn’t want them to meet you. It’s his duty to initiate the relations between you and them. If he truly loves you, as he says he does, this problem shouldn’t exist, or he should be able to talk to you about it at the very least. The fact that he gets angry when you ask him about it implies something isn’t right. Tell him you need to know – and deserve – the truth. You have a right to know if this thing with him is real or if you’re just hanging on to a lie.

Question

I’m 20 years old and in November I had an abortion because my boyfriend asked me to. He said he didn’t want another child because he already has a baby. He’s 23 and still in varsity. But now I’m pregnant again and not sure what to do. Should I tell him?

Answer

When you decide to have sex, you should take precautionary measures to ensure you don’t become pregnant or end up with a sexually transmitted disease. Sex education is taught in schools and prevention methods are free at local clinics. Also, this is your body, and no one has the right to force you to do anything.

Your boyfriend is just as responsible for this pregnancy as you are. However, you’re likely to get the same response from him as the last time – it was only a few months ago that he told you to have an abortion and it’s highly unlikely he’s changed his mind about having another child. But whether you have an abortion isn’t just up to him – you have a right to decide what you want to do. Abortion isn’t and shouldn’t be considered the best way to deal with unplanned or unwanted pregnancies