HE’S GIVING MIXED SIGNALS
Question
The first time I saw this guy I knew he was the one. Then one day he asked for my number but he never called. The next time I saw him he asked for my number again.
We ended up kissing and he said he loved me but I didn’t believe him. We did this for about a year then a few months ago he asked me to go to his place. I was so shocked because we’re not dating – we both have other partners – and he asked me what kind of love has no sex.
He said in his mind we’ve been dating for a long time. I think he loves me but I think he loves his girlfriend more. The problem is I still think he’s the one. What do I do?
Answer
He definitely isn’t the one. If he was, you would be in a relationship with each other by now. If he loves you like he claims to then why does he only remember that when he sees you?
Why has he not made an effort to call you even after he’s been given your number so many times? And what does he mean when he says what kind of love has no sex? It makes no sense if he hasn’t clarified whether you’re in a relationship with each other or not.
I suggest you forget about this man. He’s a player and his intention is only to sleep with you and then move on. He wants to use this opportunity with you because he can clearly see you’re interested in him. Concentrate on the relationship you’re in and you should tell him to do the same.
SEX ISN’T GOOD ANYMORE
Question
I’ve been married for 23 years, I’m 45 years old and my wife is 41. We have two kids and she stopped using contraceptive pills after our second child was born in 2002. Since then I’ve had to use condoms and I’m not really enjoying sex anymore.
I’ve spoken to her about this and she says she gets sick when she uses the pill. I’ve put up with the situation for a long time now but I’m worried it’s going to hurt our marriage. I want us both to enjoy sex and our life together again.
Answer
Sexual dissatisfaction in a marriage is one of the main causes of conflict and sometimes it can also lead to its breakdown. I must commend you for trying to find a solution instead of turning to alternatives that might cause even more conflict between you and your wife.
It’s also good you’ve both made a conscious decision you don’t want to have another child. This has been going on for a long time now so I have to wonder if your wife really understands how deeply you are affected by this situation. First, try to talk to her again about how you feel and in particular about your fears of how this might end up damaging your marriage in the long run.
You can then look at other ways to ensure she doesn’t become pregnant – there are alternatives to the pill and condoms, such as a vasectomy for you or contraceptive injections or implants for her. Try to work through this together so you can make joint decisions for the benefit of your marriage.
