Well, let’s just mellow that out a bit: David Joyner, the guy who became famous for bouncing around in the purple suit for Barney and Friends, is now a ‘tantra massage specialist and spiritual healer’, according to Vice

Apparently, Joyner found tantra in the 1980s and began practising as a healer in 2004 after the Barney stint came to an end.

But even while he was playing Barney, he tells Vice, he was using the non-sexual tantric principles of love and energy to bring the T-Rex costume to life and magic the little children. 

The article is pretty involved and is a good read for anyone interested in the complexity of tantric practicalities in today’s societal construct.

But it mostly got me thinking about masks many people wear for the sake of fitting in and the perceptions we all have about the people around us. 

Especially when it comes to sex and sensuality.  

There’s been nothing more eye-opening to me about this, than the kink gatherings and sex parties I attend. 

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I remember the first one I went to. It was early evening and everyone was still mostly dressed. A woman arrived who honestly looked like she’d stepped out of a Pretoria church service. My ignorant self at the time would’ve called her a ‘tannie’. 

Well. Let’s just say that when ‘tannie’s’ ordentlike Woolies rok came off so did all the wheels. Things got… eye-opening.

TBH, I still find myself being surprised by my own preconceptions. 

Your colleague might look ‘too old’ to be a creature of desire, but they’re the ones attending sex parties you’d be shy about; your fellow club member may look ‘too conservative’ to be donning latex and leather on the weekend, but there they are whipping out the floggers behind ‘invite-only’ doors. 

Hell, considering how conservative our society still is, I’m starting to think that a woman’s ‘kink’ could simply be the capacity to enjoy wholehearted, orgasmic sex because she’s able to speak her mind, explore her pleasure, and work her boundaries with good lovers. 

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This story about Joyner was a minder that appearance is no measure of sexual depth and range, just like youth is no measure of sexual energy.

In other words, don’t judge a book by its cover or a Barney by its purple suit. You best believe that your assumptions – and access to what’s available – are only a reflection of your own limited thinking. 

Follow Dorothy Black on her blog and on Twitter.

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