Publications
Partners
For those of you who haven’t seen my braggy status updates and Instagram photos – I moved to Three Anchor Bay over the weekend!
I saw an ad on Gumtree on Thursday evening – I called, went to the viewing and 3 days later I moved in. I was very fortunate to find the place, because getting a place in Cape Town is HELL. I started looking last year in November and only found a place at the end of February.
I know people who found their place within a week, and then I know people who found it after 6 months. It takes even longer if you’re looking for a bachelor flat, because it’s just you – you have to look, call, follow-up, go to viewings and most importantly: you only have your salary to show.
Looking for a 2-bedroom/3-bedroom place is slightly less vomit-worthy, because there are three people trawling Gumtree and three salaries to impress owners or agents.
That said; I don’t think it’s easy for anyone to find a place in Cape Town. If you don’t have endless time or money, it will be a mission.
Here are the 9 circles of hell of apartment hunting in Cape Town.
Circle one: People who list 'wanted’ ads
There’s nothing as disappointing as seeing a well-priced flat and then realising it’s some poephol who listed a "wanted" ad.
Gif via i.imgur.com
I hope you never find a flat. Kidding, just kidding…
Not really
Circle two: Ads with no contact number
Oh, thanks for only leaving an email address. I'm sure my email will stand out among the 90000 others you’re going to receive today.
Gif via invisionfree.com
Circle three: People who don't respond to calls or emails
Look, I know it gets chaotic answering all the mails and calls, and I don’t actually expect you to respond after your ad has reached 1000 page views. That said, if your ad has only been up for a few hours, or even a day – YOU CAN TAKE MY CALL.
And let’s not forget those people who only let you know about a viewing one second before it is meant to take place. “Hi there, we’ll be having a viewing at 14h00 today. Please confirm if you’ll be able to make it.”
Gif via forum.kingdomsatwar.com
It’s now 13:45. No. I will not be able to make it.
Circle four: People who forget to remove their Gumtree ads
Forgetting your ad on Gumtree is the same as forgetting your child at the beach.
Please remove the ad once you've found a tenant – don’t give people false hope.
Gif via pandawhale.com
Circle five: Estate agents
The really great thing about being an estate agent is that you never have to worry about what you’re going to have for lunch, because you’ll always have a wide variety of souls to eat.
Gif via thehollywoodgossip.com
I’m not sorry.
Circle six: Group viewings
The history books have it all wrong. Darwin actually based his Survival of The Fittest theory on a group viewing in Cape Town.
There’s no camaraderie – don’t think that you can talk to anyone just because you’re in the same boat as them.
Gif via reactiongifs.com
I made the mistake of trying to be nice to people at group viewings (luckily I only went to two) and in return I got the stink eye.
Circle seven: "Per day" adverts
Me: Oh, wow! This place is gorgeous! It’s only R4 000 per month.
Gumtree: LOL, it’s per day, fool.
Gif via picgifs.com
Circle eight: Geographically challenged advertisers
I saw three ads (by different people) advertised as Cape Town CBD.
They were all in Strand.
Gif via cinemablend.com
Moenie stront praat nie!
Circle nine: Euphemisms
Charming = SMALL
Recently renovated = One cupboard was fixed
Ample off-street parking = You’ll be able to park 2 blocks away
Popular apartment block = Noisy as hell
Gif via psychusa.wikia.com
Yup. That concludes the 9 Circles of Hell.
Visit Anja's blog and follow her on Twitter.
Follow Women24 on Twitter or like us on Facebook.
