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Not least of which is the whole thing being called off: hence the ads selling never-been worn wedding dresses and brand new wedding and engagement rings. (There was one that had the word ‘forever’ engraved inside it. I swear this is true.)
Then, of course, there are also the ads for wedding services and venues, some of which almost guarantee at the least an unusual and memorable wedding day – not always for the right reasons.
Lamb to the slaughter
I know many people like informal weddings, but the ad for this venue makes it look as if it is part of a butchery? A ‘division’ of Van Niekerk Slaghuis that can take up to 70 people. I am not sure that this would create quite the kind of atmosphere one would want on a wedding day. And then there is also the huge spitbraai they can organise for you. Book this by all means if you want your wedding dress and all your guests to smell like braaied meat. Maybe they can throw in a couple of carcasses just to enhance the atmosphere?
See ad here.
Urgent sale of wedding dress
An urgent sale of a wedding dress means one of three things: either the wedding has been cancelled, it was a disaster and the bride does not want to be reminded of it, or the lovely couple has run into sudden and dire financial problems. Whichever of the three it might be, I wouldn’t recommend buying this dress if you were at all superstitious.
See ad here.
Don’t burn your fingers
The Pyromonics more or less promise to set the night on fire (with 70s and 80s Sokkie dance music). But wait, that’s not all: there is also a fire dance included AND they come from Ashton. Hire them by all means, but check on your venue’s fire insurance first.
See ad here.
The ultimate shotgun wedding
I know that some people leave getting married to the very last minute before the arrival of the baby, but I did not expect an advertisement for christening or baptism candles under the wedding venues and services section. But in these economic times you cannot really blame people for trying to kill two birds with one stone, can you?
See ad here.
Metal detector mayhem
This is a new one to me. Never thought of hiring someone with a metal detector to find a lost wedding or engagement ring, did you? Let that be a lesson to everyone – next time you go to the beach, or want to do some vigorous gardening, take the rings off beforehand.
Image: Shutterstock. See ad here.
She’s a knockout!
Something about this bothers me deeply. Shouldn’t a wedding cake topper depict hearts or doves or a smiling bridal couple? What man in his right mind would want to marry someone who is threatening him with violence? Even in jest? If you want to see quite how unacceptable this is, imagine the outcry if he was hitting her.
See ad here.
The biggest bride in the world
Please let this image be a photoshopped one. If not, this bride must be standing on a fireman’s ladder – and no, she definitely would not be able to go anywhere, so it’s a good thing the marriage officer travels to where he is needed.
See ad here.
The zip-off skirt
This custom-designed wedding dress comes with built-in zip-off skirt for ‘later in the evening’. If the bride is still at the reception, would she want to be wearing an ultra-short mini wedding dress? And if she’s already left to go on honeymoon, wouldn’t she want to take the whole thing off, rather than just a section of it? This one has me puzzled.
See ad here.
Not a ring of confidence
These ‘angagement and weeding’ rings are no longer needed as the engagement was broken off. Pretty as the ring might be, I would think twice before buying something associated with what was clearly a relationship disaster of some sorts. (If it is a ‘weeding’ ring, maybe it can be worn while you do the gardening?) Possibly the bride or bridegroom decided that they did, after all, want to be married to someone who could spell.
See ad here.
Never-been-worn wedding dress for sale
This is always a sad one. Behind every never-been-worn wedding dress is a story of a broken engagement, or some other disaster. Call me superstitious, but I would hesitate to buy a dress that already has a history of sadness surrounding it. Wedding dresses are expensive and no one in their right mind has one made unless they plan to get married. (I love the fact that there is an exercise bike in the background of this photo – maybe the prospective bride can buy that too to get in shape for the wedding?
See ad here.
