Illustration. Photographed by Tim Robberts. Credit: Getty Images
When it comes to dating, we all have preferences, behaviours and qualities we look for in a potential partner. Once you have identified someone who you think might stand a chance to be your significant other, is there one trait that is guaranteed to turn you off?
According to a dating coach for Women Over 50, Lisa Copeland, deal-breakers are qualities a man either has or comes with that you can't tolerate in your life, or conversely, they are qualities a suitor must have to date you, such as the same religion or culture.
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Lisa says both women and men have deal-breakers, however, men honour their deal breakers more than women. This, she says, is because women tend to trust in the belief that if we give it a bit more time and work, he might change - which is by far one of the biggest lies we tell ourselves.
Here are some of the cringiest deal-breakers from Reddit users:
The weirdest fetish:
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Although it is crucial to have deal-breakers to avoid resentment towards the person you are in a relationship with, deal-breakers also limit you from having unique relationship experiences. The tricky part about deal-breakers is that they change over the years as you evolve as a person. We asked women to share their deal breakers and the reasons behind them:
So my deal-breakers are as follows; A man with questionable taste in shoes is a no-no. Their feet already give me the creeps, so please wear good shoes, sir! And if he wears white formal shoes, I’m calling the police. I don't like a man who's not cultured i.e. has no contribution to meaningful conversations besides “last night’s game.” Like, have you read a book, remember that classic movie, have a favourite wine, which side of the Kobe debate were you on? If he has a kid that’s old enough to know how to use WhatsApp, I might definitely run, but I mostly prefer if he just doesn’t have any kids at all. If he’s spineless when it comes to “the boys”. Worst! Can’t be with a man who can't hold his liquor. Like, are you in first year? If he’s condescending towards certain occupations, it's a red flag. Also, ill-fitting pants are an immediate goodbye – I physically can’t. Stay away from me if you wear clothes with flashy branding. To me, that just indicates you don’t have taste. Luxury can be subtle. I don’t need to see Givenchy or RAW emboldened across your chest. Lastly, if your music playlist only has trap or amapiano, I know you’re a groove god, and subsequently a man of the streets. But most importantly, be kind. Kindness (to ALL people, not just me) is of utmost importance to me.
My deal-breaker in a man is accent (I know, I hate myself for this). If he isn’t articulate, it’s a NO from me. I’m very inquisitive and ask questions a lot but I don’t like a man who asks dumb questions. What are dumb questions, you might ask? Things like “you called me baby earlier. Why did you do that?” Like wow! Also, the fashion needs to make sense. Ill-fitting clothes are a total turn off. Have a gold tooth? Stay away! :)
Deal-breakers for me: number one: a guy who smokes. I am by no means judging those who choose to smoke, but I’ve seen people (some who are very close to me) who have had terrible complications because of smoking. I’ve also suffered due to complications from second-hand smoke as a child because someone very close to me was an avid smoker. Number two: a guy with kids. Only because I have not made the decision to have kids myself. I don’t know if I ever want to have kids. And I believe that if your partner has kids, you need to be especially mindful of that. You instantly become a parent, and that’s a huge responsibility. It’s also not fair to the kid if you take this role lightly. As I get older my “deal-breakers” change. And I may have a different view on this one in particular in the coming years.
Ok, religion is my deal-breaker I’m a Christian and I’m very involved in my church. It plays a large role in my life so I will not get into a relationship with someone who is not Christian. It wasn’t such a big deal when I was in my 20’s – I did date people who were not Christian and some of the relationships were really good. But as I’ve gotten older, my outlook on things have changed. I know they say opposites attract, and to an extent that’s great, but it’s important to me that we share the same foundational beliefs. I have a few other things on my list but I can still work around that. Religion is my absolute dealbreaker #mustloveJesus
Well, for me, if I can see a person is not kind and well-mannered it’s a hard no. This one is basic also but they need to be employed or have independent income to sustain themselves. Also, the ‘not all men’ men are a big no.
A deal-breaker for me is rudeness. I can’t stand people who are rude. How you treat strangers, your parents, siblings and everyone else who is close to you is big for me. Kindness and humility are very attractive to me.
What is your relationship deal-breaker? Tell us here.
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