AKA and Bonang - why it's never a good look to trash your exes and the lesson we can learn from it

AKA and Bonang had a rocky start to their relationship because AKA was already in a relationship when they two decided to become a pair. The affair was revealed by DJ Zinhle on her blog while she was expecting their first child and AKA recently admitted to it on Real Talk with Anele. 

AKA and Bonang have since ended their relationship and there seems to be a lot of bad blood between them.

A few days ago a video was released of AKA rapping lyrics from a song that was speculated to be part of his new album. 

Twitter users hypothesised that the song was about Bonang because the woman he rapped about was with him while he was paying damages. 

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It seemed as though AKA was not done talking about their relationship because he went on to tweet a series of messages which he later deleted but a few people were able to screenshot them.

This isn't the first time the rapper has decided to air out his exes dirty laundry on Twitter and in as much as it is entertaining for some users, some find it tasteless. 

Well, people deal with break ups differently but according to experts, how your current partner treats or speaks about their ex is a tell-tell sign - run while you can. 

An article written by Dan Hackett on Elite Singles, says that studies into men's behaviours after a break up show that men are usually influenced by their partner's healthier behaviours during a relationship so post-break up men are more likely to slide back into old habits, "partly to rediscover his old self, and in part numb the negative feelings that naturally arise in the wake of a split." 

READ MORE: 4 stories that might make you want to break up with your toxic partner

Although your previous partner's old behaviour and habits may have been carefully concealed while you together, it is important to listen carefully to how they may have spoken about their previous partner/s while they were with you.

According to an article published by the Independent.uk, author and clinical psychologist Elinor Greenberg says, that she found that "people are very predictable. Whatever they have done in previous relationships they are likely to do again." 

Furthermore, you need to listen carefully to how the other person speaks about their ex. "This means that if you listen carefully to how your new lover describes his or her important previous relationships and how he or she speaks about their exes, you can learn a lot about how this person is likely to treat you."

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She adds that if someone constantly blames their exes for the outcome of the relationship it sounds like the person is saying, "'I cannot take any responsibility for whatever went wrong. I have not learned anything from these relationships. It is totally up to you to make our relationship work." 

This a huge red flag because that means that you will most likely be blamed if the relationship comes to an end - and you will soon be categorised as one of the exes that harmed them. 

Elinor adds that the kind of person that always trashes their exes is unable to see people in an integrated and realistic way.

"When they started dating these other people, they probably saw them as highly desirable and all good. Now that these relationships are over, these same people are all bad," she says. 

READ MORE: Signs you haven't forgiven your man for cheating

It could mean that these people constantly choose people that are horrible in nature or it can simply mean that they have a distorted view of people. 

The important thing Elinor says that could be insightful and help you in future relationships is that, "If they could not see anyone before you realistically or make any of these relationships work, they are unlikely to be able to do it with you." 

* When we reached out to AKA, his PR manager let us know he is unavailable for interviews until his album is released.

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