I’ve been online dating for a while now. I tried Tinder for the first time last December and since then, I’ve also joined many other dating apps and have found matches on each of them.
Sometimes the people I match with don’t reply when you say hello, or they literally start talking about sex from the moment you start chatting, or when you eventually do go on a date, things simply just don’t go as well in person as they did online.
There are a lot of factors that contribute to why some matches don’t evolve from a brief flirtation into a connection worth pursuing.
An example of this that springs to mind is the time that my online dating match surprised me by displaying his lack of wokeness.
This guy – let’s call him Craig for the sake of this article – and I been talking nonstop for about 3 days. The conversation was good and we always had something to talk about. He wasn’t too forward and he didn’t try to get me to send nudes or anything which was great. In fact, I thought we had a pretty great rapport.
Then he started telling me about a customer he had just served at work. I was getting slightly racist vibes, but thought I might be overreacting.
Then he started talking about white privilege. He specifically said that white privilege wasn’t real and that it was an “outdated concept” because he didn’t grow up rich and he certainly wasn’t privileged.
This was a big red flag for me.
Then I sent him this link to a cartoon that explains white privilege and how it benefits white people. The link happened to be from a site called Everyday Feminism. He saw the word feminism in the headline and said “Feminism. Aaaah that puts me off. Lol”
Another alarm bell that told me that this guy isn’t worth pursuing.
That’s when I decided that I, to paraphrase Taylor Swfit, cannot be a part of this narrative. So I told him that I’m a raging feminist and talking about race, privilege and intersectionality is very important to me and if he cannot deal with that then it’s best we stop talking.
To his credit he wasn’t rude or derogatory, but I do feel like he didn’t take me seriously enough.
Afterwards I caught myself wondering if I had perhaps been too rash. Could we still have made it work even though we have different ideals? Could we still have dated?
And then I gave myself a mental slap.
Of course we wouldn’t have worked out. My feminist beliefs are part of my core identity and if the guy I like is against feminism, he’s against me.
Sometimes it’s just best to let them go, even if they are cute and you get along really well. Because no girl should have to give up her core beliefs for a guy she could potentially have had some fun with.