Share

"Now I date men with absolutely zero 'next-date potential'"

accreditation
Is it time to start dating around?
Is it time to start dating around?

Jogging along the Sea Point promenade recently, I see an elderly couple sitting on a bench at sunset eating potato salad with two spoons from a big, green Tupperware bowl. 

Strange, I thought.

But weirdly romantic.

I don’t know how they met or whether they are happy, but they seemed to enjoy that moment. 

This incident (or spotting of intimacy), made me think about whether we should only go on dates where we foresee a future.

A lot of us date for the ‘potential’ – maybe to find the right person, that someone we too can eat potato salad with from a plastic bowl, maybe? Or, on the flip, a potential person that is right for right now, i.e. a week or so.   

Whatever the need, dating is hard AF.  

READ MORE: “I chose the single life and now I can’t go back”

The Netflix reality show ‘Dating Around’ confirms the awkwardness of modern-day courting practices: the butterflies in the stomach, the crushing disappointments, the ghosting, the mismatched match you were so hopeful over for days, etc. 

But, maybe my/our approach to dating, be it after meeting on Tinder or Bumble or IRL, has been wrong all this time.

Maybe it should be flipped, and reversed… A few months ago, I found myself on a date with a Parisian. He was making his way through South Africa for a few weeks; we met up for some wine during his last week in Cape Town. 

He spoke almost no English. Everything got lost in translation - a lot of furrowed brows and misunderstandings later, this almost-laughable date soon had a third-wheeler, Google Translate.

Luckily, it ended up being one of the best dates I’ve ever had.*

A recent article on Manrepeller.com, The Philosophy That Significantly Improved My Dating Life talks about intentional dating or ‘deep dating’.

It’s an approach to dating that sees you approaching each date as a unique relationship. One where there is no past or future, but just the now. 

READ MORE: The right way to take things slow in a new relationship

With the Frenchie, there was no pressure, and no expectations from the beginning as he was leaving soon. Plus, we were literally just winging it the whole date through.

Tone was completely lost. (And I’d like to think sarcasm is my strong suit). We both didn’t social media stalk each other beforehand, either.

Rare, but true. Going in uninfluenced, helped. Remove pre-imagined scenarios of the two of you running into the sunset together, wearing matching Superbalist-bought outfits or spending lazy Saturdays at the Braam Neighbourgoods Market feeding each other artisan, carb-clever, sweet potato salad from your mind.

The ‘potential’ must be removed from the equation. It’s just a 3-4-hour interaction with someone new.Many people say you find what you want once you stop looking.

This approach to dating is a version of that, which ‘allows’ you to still date, without actively looking for someone.  

*I ended up going on a second date with the Parisian (plus our friend Google translate) before he left the country, and are planning to meet up later this year in Europe. Still, no expectations.

Sign up to W24’s newsletters so you don't miss out on any of our hot stories and giveaways.

We live in a world where facts and fiction get blurred
Who we choose to trust can have a profound impact on our lives. Join thousands of devoted South Africans who look to News24 to bring them news they can trust every day. As we celebrate 25 years, become a News24 subscriber as we strive to keep you informed, inspired and empowered.
Join News24 today
heading
description
username
Show Comments ()
Editorial feedback and complaints

Contact the public editor with feedback for our journalists, complaints, queries or suggestions about articles on News24.

LEARN MORE