“Can we start over?”

Question

I’m 24 and I met a guy about five months ago. He’s 27 and we were having sex with no strings attached. I found the situation difficult as I’d developed feelings for him. I didn’t want to tell him because it might have pushed him away. While this was going on I met someone else and we started seeing each other from time to time too.

The relationship didn’t work out so we called it quits, but when the first guy found out he told me he was hurt because he had feelings for me. He was angry, saying I’d cheated. So now I’m confused about this – we both have feelings for each other but we’re acting like we don’t. 

Do you think it’s possible for us to build a relationship from this messy start?

Answer

It was a messy start indeed! 

Unfortunately for women there can never really be sex with no strings attached – we just don’t work that way. 

Psychological studies suggest most women have to have feelings for someone for them to be able to open up and be intimate with someone. This means even if you did agree to the idea that you’d just be friends with benefits, there’s very little chance that this arrangement would’ve worked out. 

You were very likely to develop feelings for him, and your motivation for agreeing to this in the first place might have been that you’d hoped he would eventually develop feelings for you too.  Find out from him what he means when he says you cheated on him, since according to your agreement you weren’t in a relationship. It’s time for both of you to spell out exactly what it is you want and avoid making assumptions. 

Psychcentral eludes that what happens between two parties can become emotional simply because an orgasm is a powerful reinforce of behavior for both sexes. Further when paired with a usual partner, casual sex it start to feel really good which could create attachment on both parties.

According to WomensHealth often FWB relationships don’t work out simply because there is a lack of communication or it is avoided when it comes to discussing the intentions of the relationship.