Yet sometimes, when the people are compatible and are willing to put in the effort, the relationship flourishes. However, this isn’t always the case.
DRUM asked readers what about warning signs they had before their relationships crumbled. So before you change that relationship status on social media or hire the wedding planner, read these answers.
1. Lack of communication
Thamsanqa* believes the best foundation to build a relationship on is good communication.
“We did not communicate in the same way. I believe in a relationship that does work out, both parties have to choose to put in the work of trying to understand each other’s ways. You need to learn your partner’s love language – it’s all a choice, really.”
Ntando* shares how disrespected she once felt in a relationship.
“My partner was amazing in the beginning, but we were both students so we couldn’t see each other often. But then I noticed he got into the habit of not calling me anymore and blue-ticking [reading but not replying to messages] me on WhatsApp. I mean, that’s so disrespectful and hurtful.”
Sibusiso* reckons when your partner no longer puts in the effort to look nice like they did in the beginning, it’s a sign they’re getting too comfortable.
“I remember a girl I dated: when we first met she used to look nice and put in a little effort in the way she presents herself. But then she got too comfortable. I didn’t want her to look like a supermodel every day, but at least look decent. She was walking around the shops and stuff with me in worn-down leggings, Uggs and a doek, nah man!”
4. Lack of foresight
Lesego* is an accountant and says she knew her relationship was doomed when she was the only one growing in it.
“I loved my ex. We dated for eight years, but in that time he didn’t grow. He was still the boy I liked in Grade 9. I decided to study after high school and he said he was going to be a rapper. I was there, at every show, supporting him and being his cheerleader but he didn’t have bigger dreams and ambitions. I would pay the rent and buy food while he would scrape for gigs. And I’m all for a ‘ride or die’ but only for a man who has proper plans to develop himself.”
5. Not enough sex
*Katlego says he loves his girlfriend, but she believes people shouldn’t engage in sexual relations before marriage, and it’s killing him.
“Before we started dating she told me she’s not going to have sex with me until we’re married, but I obviously didn’t pay attention to her because I just wanted her to be mine – she’s an amazing woman. But now it’s been eight months and I’m seeing she was actually serious, there’s no twisting this girl’s arm. I love her and I don’t want to cheat on her because no woman deserves that but yoh, I’m dying . . .”
*Names were changed