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Gone are the days of meeting a stranger at a braai, kicking the nearest klippie away while playing with your hair, exchanging numbers, waiting for his call, not answering on the first day ANYWAY, chatting for hours till his airtime runs up and then finally to saying yes to a date at Spur.
Those days are over.
Now us singletons are simply swiping to the left or to the right and voila - within seconds, we're drinking craft beers by 7pm tonight.
Yes - Tinder is probably the most superficial and fastest dating service on the planet.
You are practically saying yes or no to a
potential random vry/boyfriend/future husband/father of your kinds, solely
based on his looks.
That inner judgeragheid
we all have stuck inside surfaces and we admit that maybe, maybe, looks are important
to us. A tiny bit, at least.
And in this process we only need two
seconds to decide - cos hey, that picture ain't gonna tell you if Said Tinder
Date is a smart, funny guy who will help a granny cross the road.
Only his
picture will convince you to swipe right.
And this is where things get interesting -
the pictures. These pics are what you're showing to the world, this is you in five slides, this is your only
means of communication to the sadness of girls like myself, hoping to find a
date with you.
And yet you're choosing to show me only selfies of your 6 pack. Nee
man!
Herewith a list of Top Ten DON'TS.
1. Don't be the douche that posts pics of his OWN wedding - even if you are divorced. I have come across at least three guys who have only a selection of their wedding photo's. Sweetheart, even if those pics are the best you have of yourself around and proves that you're not scared to commit - don't. Just don't.
2. The guy playing with the lion
cub/tiger/leopard. STOP THAT. Yes, most of these guys are probably foreign
guys, but if you're a local guy, thinking chicks would "ooooh" and
"aaaah" at this sight, you're wrong.
It's annoying. Every second guy
is doing this. Rather borrow your neighbour's dog for purposes of a
cuteness-factor.
3. The guy with his shades on in every pic. Unless I can't see your eyes, I'm not sure if I can trust you - even buying me a drink
Chances are you're a joller and that you probably wear your shades in a mall. Don't be that guy.
4. The guy with no profile pic of himself,
instead a pic of a Disney character, a profound quote or a tiger with
dangerous-looking eyes. This is your ONLY chance.
We are not going to guess what
you look like.
5. The guy with his shirt off in every pic. Also, the guy who takes pics of his sixpack in a mirror. We get it. You work out errrryday.
That's great. But if your favourite pics are of a shirtless you, it's a no from me. Unless you're Ryan Gosling in Crazy Stupid Love.
6. The guy in more than one very intimate pose standing next to/behind a girl with bigger boobs than me. Who is she??
7. The guy with a drink in his hand in EVERY single pic. Of course I like me some drinks too, but show me another side of yourself sans alcohol.
8. The guy with a bunch of friends in every single pic. He's never alone in a pic. I don't know who you are. Again. I don't like guessing.
9. The "Ask and you'll find out"
Guy. You're just lame. And probably lazy to type.
10. And finally, the guy who puts his number in his profile. Don't be so desperate dude.
My pleasure, guys.
(Now, I'm the girl with the small boobs and
dark hair that you're gonna swipe yes to ok? OK?!)
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