He sells you dreams — whispering his deepest fantasies in your ear and driving you wild with excitement. You can’t wait to take it all off for him. Then sexy time comes — he fumbles, rolls over, and starts snoring, with contentment written all over his face. You’re shocked and seething with anger and dissatisfaction.

You give him more chances to deliver on the sexual promises he made, yet this sad state of affairs continues until you admit he’s all talk and no action in bed. 

READ MORE: Is he stringing you along?

If this is your story, you’re not alone. And don’t worry – experts are convinced this situation can be salvaged. Here’s how:

DITCH FALSE BELIEFS

Poor sexual performance is attributed to patriarchy, which leads men to falsely believe that they are studs,  says Dr Uwemedimo Uko Esiet, a medical doctor and sexologist. He is also the co-founder of Action Health Incorporated in Lagos, Nigeria, and says men spend a big part of their lives clinging to myths instead of focusing on pleasing their partners in bed.

“These beliefs are indoctrinated early on, transcend borders and even defy science. For example, most men believe they’re born well-endowed and have sexual prowess that makes them better lovers, simply because they are born Zulu or Igbo. Some mix energy drinks with alcohol, hoping for longevity in bed, forgetting that physically, their body structure is no different from that of other men, despite their size,” Esiet explains. 

READ MORE: The art of fighting right

Dr Siyanda Ndawo, a Durban-based general practitioner with an interest in sexual health, agrees with Esiet. Ndawo adds that men generally believe they’re entitled to sexual pleasure, and that once erect, their penises are mighty and can please any woman.

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