SHOULD I END THINGS?

Question

I’ve been with my boyfriend for five years and we have a three-year-old son. When I became pregnant things got hard for us. I’d just finished studying, he lost his job and we survived doing odd jobs. We broke up, I went home to my family and later found a job. Not long afterwards I took him back as I love him and wanted the best for our son.

He’s still not working and I’m supporting everyone. I don’t think he’s even trying to get a job. This has affected my feelings for him and we no longer make love like we did. I don’t want to be in this relationship anymore, but I’m worried I’ll regret ending it as my son won’t have a father. Please help.

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Answer

You’ve done your best to try and make ends meet in this relationship. If you don’t feel like being in it anymore then why are you still there? You’re not doing you or your son a favour by staying in an environment that doesn’t fulfil you. The best thing for your son is to be raised by two happy parents, even if they’re no longer together.

Think this through and decide. Change is inevitable – the signs that it’s over are already there. It’s time for you to cut your losses and end this – for your sake as well as for your son and boyfriend.

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MY FRIEND IS AN ADDICT

Question

My friend is a whoonga addict and he lives on the streets. I’m trying to help him but he won’t admit he needs help. I want to get him into rehab. Please help.

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Answer

Your friend should consider himself lucky that he has you looking out for him. Unfortunately, no matter how good your intentions are the person who is addicted has to acknowledge he/she has a problem. You’ll only be able to assist your friend once he’s accepted he’s an addict and that he needs help. I

n the meantime, keep talking to him about his problem and assure him of your support. Get his family involved if you can. You can also get assistance from Narcotics Anonymous on 083-900-6962.

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HE’S GLUED TO HIS PHONE

Question

I think I’ve finally found my soulmate. I’m so in love but there’s one problem: he’s on his phone too much. When we’re together I try to talk to him about this, but he doesn’t want to listen. I want this to work but I’m not sure I can take this much longer.

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Answer

It can be very frustrating when you feel like you’re trying to make a relationship work on your own. It takes two for a relationship to work and if your partner isn’t willing to pull his weight to improve your time together then I wonder if he’s really worth your love and effort.

Ask yourself why he finds spending time with his phone more appealing than giving you attention. Then talk to him about how his behaviour makes you feel. He needs to make a decision about what is more important – you or his phone. It might be time for you to force him to make a choice.

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HELP FOR MY MOM

Question

I’m urgently seeking help for my elderly mom. The people she’s staying with are abusing her and I’m not in a position to help her. Where can I find a place that will look after her? I’ve tried everything I can think of and am losing hope. I’m even thinking about suicide. Please help.

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Answer

It’s disheartening when a person feels so hopeless because they can’t help or take care of a family member. It’s also sad that abuse of the elderly seems to be on the rise. But don’t give up – there are places out there that can assist you to take care of your mother. You just need to do some research to ensure she doesn’t end up in a worse situation.

Start by calling Tafta on 031- 332-3721 – it’s an organisation that gives care to the elderly. They should be able to give you guidance based on where your mom lives. Good luck.

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COMING-OUT CONCERNS

Question

I’m a 22-year-old bisexual woman who’s been teased a lot since I was five because I was a tomboy. When I was younger I found it hard to be in relationships with women because I was afraid of what people would say. Now I’m more comfortable with my sexuality but it’s hard for women to see me as an eligible or legitimate partner because I’ve mainly dated men. I need help coming out so I won’t be judged.  

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Answer

People will always have opinions about you, but that doesn’t mean you can’t live your life in a way that’s fulfilling. It’s commendable that you’ve come to accept who you are and that you’re being true to yourself. Contact Out Well-being on 012-430- 3272 to speak to a trained counsellor who will help you figure out how best to navigate your way through this.

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