HE WANTS ME TO ABORT

Question

I’m 25 and pregnant with my first child. My boyfriend wants me to have an abortion and I don’t know what to do. I haven’t told my parents because I’m ashamed.

Answer

Having a child is commonly considered a blessing, no matter the circumstances. If you want to have the child it’s your body and your choice.  No one should force you into doing something you don’t want to do.

Even if he isn’t prepared to be a responsible father, if you’re ready to be a mother, then you should not even consider his suggestion.

There are a lot of single mothers out there who have made it against all odds. You need courage to tell your parents about your situation and for them to give you their support.

For advice and support, call the Family Life Centre on 011-788-4784.

SHE INFECTED ME

Question

I found out that the mother of my two boys cheated on me two years ago. We tried to sort it out but the problem is that I no longer trust her.

I went for an HIV test and found out that I am positive. When I told her, she said she was sorry and told me to move on. I’m on anti-retroviral (ARVs), and the truth is killing me.

Answer

After infidelity, the journey in a relationship becomes a rocky one. Broken trust isn’t easy to remedy. I commend you for at least being willing to try after you found out about the infidelity, but it is sad that you had to pay such a big price for her actions.

You might not be able to rebuild that trust again. Because everything is irreversible, the best thing for you to do now is accept what is and take care of your health so that you can be there for your boys for longer.

Talking to someone about your feelings can also help. You can call the Aids Helpline on 0800-012-322.

IS HE USING ME?

Question

I’m 37 and in a relationship. He works but always says he doesn’t have money even though he’s not married. I used to help him with cash but now I think he’s using me.

I know I love him, but now our relationship has come to an end. It seems I’m begging him when it comes to my money. I’m so tired. Please advise.

Answer

The moment you agreed to be his piggy bank, you made him financially dependent on you, and he has taken advantage of that.

Maybe you should have helped him to deal with his finances effectively or budget instead. Sit down and talk to him about this and offer to assist him with managing his finances.

If he’s unwilling to try, then perhaps it’s time for you to move on, because you have indicated that the relationship seems to have reached its sell-by date. Just don’t allow him to use and abuse you.

HE WANTS TO HAVE SEX

Question

I’m 19 years old and my boyfriend is the same age. We have been dating for four years but we don’t have sex because I’m afraid of it. Now he’s threatening to break up with me. I love him and don’t want to lose him. What should I do?

Answer

Good for you for standing your ground. You have been together for four years and it seems he has been fine with the way things were.

Why the sudden change? You should never give in to something that you don’t feel ready for just because you’re afraid of losing him.

If your boyfriend really loves you and wants what is best for you, then he’ll be patient and respect your decision to wait to have sex. This is your life, so live it as you would like to, and make the right choices for your future.

I’M SCARED TO MEET HIS PARENTS

Question

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 11 months and he wants to introduce me to his parents, but I’m scared because I have dark spots on my face. I’m using Epiderm and I hate light skin. Please help.

Answer

Don’t be ashamed of who you are. You’re beautiful and the fact that he’s willing to introduce you to his parents the way you are should boost your self-esteem.

He loves you the way you are, and you shouldn’t be anxious about impressing his parents: he’s the one to impress, and you’ve already done that.

Go and meet them and take it from there. You have nothing to lose. Just make sure that in future you consult a dermatologist for help with your skin problems. I hope all goes well for you.