MY EX GAVE ME HIV

Question

I’m 24 years old and my ex-boyfriend is 29. We dated for more than three years before breaking up. I recently discovered I’m HIV-positive and it was shocking. I was HIV-negative before we started dating, so I wasn’t worried that I might be at risk.

After I got the results, I sat for days not knowing how to even bring it up with him, only to discover he knew all along and had obviously infected me. He even had the nerve to tell me what medication he was on, saying I should also try it.

Yes, we were intimate without using a condom, but not once did he warn me. He’s a church-going man and you’d never think he’d keep such a secret. He apologised, but I feel like dying and hate him.

Answer

Yes, he should have disclosed his status to you. But, hating him for something that can’t be changed will only make you bitter and restrict you from living a fulfilling life.

Legally, you can sue him for purposeful endangerment. I suggest you go to your nearest magistrate’s court for help if this the route you want to take.

For more information on treatment options and to set up a counselling session, call the Lifeline’s Aids helpline on 0800-012-322.

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HE DECEIVED ME

Question

I’m a 22-year-old woman who met a 41-year-old married man five years ago. He only told me he was married when I was three months pregnant with our son, who is now three.

I was angry when I found out and wanted to leave him, but he convinced me to stay. Two months later, he introduced me to his wife, who never accepted me or our son.

We now live in the same town and she puts limits on how much time my child and I spend with her husband. He claims to love me, but tells his wife that he’s just there to look after our son and that I’m confused. I’m tired of this.

Answer

You were only 17 when you met this man, a very young age to get involved with a much older man. Now, there’s an innocent life added to this debacle.

He should’ve proven his love to you by telling you the truth about his marriage. However, you’re still young and can have a life without him. He seems to enjoy having his bread buttered on both sides.

This is unfair to you and his wife. Go your own way and make sure your son has a relationship with his father and that he supports his child financially.

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I GIVE AND HE JUST TAKES

Question

I’m 29 and my boyfriend is 37. We’ve been seeing each other for three months. I work at a retail store and he works on a mine.

Apart from me, he also has a long-distance relationship with a girl he hasn’t seen for a year, but he still sends her money every month. He doesn’t give me any money and yet wants me to come to his house every day to clean and cook for him.

I’m always there for him and he never helps me financially. I don’t expect him to pay for my studies or for sex, but I do expect him to take care of me or even take me out every now and then. He claims it’s because he doesn’t have a car yet.

I’m really tired of doing everything for him while he does nothing for me. We’ve fought over it and he called me an opportunist. Every time I can’t be with him we fight. I can’t do this any more. Is he using me?

Answer

It’s clear your partner is taking you for a ride. He’s used you and you’ve allowed it. How does he claim not to have money to assist you but he can send money to someone he hasn’t seen for a year?

He’s taken your love for granted. Put your foot down and tell him how this makes you feel. If you want to make it work, seek professional help. Call Famsa on 011-975-7106 for assistance.

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