HER FRIENDS COME FIRST

Question

My girlfriend prioritises her friends over our relationship and I’m not sure what to do. I know it’s important she sees her friends but she spends so much time with them and very little with me. She keeps telling me she loves me but this behaviour usually ends up with us fighting so it puts a strain on our relationship. How can we solve this?

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Answer

Nothing hurts like feeling unappreciated and second best in a relationship. Your girlfriend seems to have her priorities skewed. Every system in a person’s life is important, but there should be a balance. Talk to your girlfriend about how her behaviour makes you feel.

You need to discuss it and both agree on how you spend quality time together. If that doesn’t work, I suggest you seek guidance from a relationship counsellor. Call Famsa on 011-975-7106/7.

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FOLLOWING MY PASSION

Question

I’m a 25-year-old woman and I work for the government as an audiologist. But I’m tired of my job and would like to pursue my real passion: music. I believe I’m a talented singer, especially gospel, but I don’t know how to get started. I don’t know what platforms there are in this field to become a successful musician like Ntokozo Mbambo.

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Answer

You should consider taking singing up as a hobby first. There are a lot of production stables that do gospel and if you surf the internet you’ll find all the details of the different companies. The next step would be for you to get assistance to put a demo together that you can take to these companies, then see what happens from there.

I hope you achieve your dreams and get a breakthrough.

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HE’S A TWO-TIMER

Question

I’m a 35-year-old lady and the guy I’m dating is 28. We got together in March last year and I love him very much. He didn’t tell me he had another girlfriend at first but now he says he loves her too.

I told him I don’t like isithembu somjolo and he’s consuming alcohol like he wants to die. He often comes home well after midnight. What should I do?

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Answer

You’ve indicated two problem areas here: the other woman and his alcohol intake. You need to determine what you want. When you’ve decided that you can think about what it’s going to take to make this relationship work. I suggest you pick one challenge – the one that’s most important to you – and discuss it with your partner.

It might be worth doing this with the help of a relationship counsellor, so call Famsa on 011-975-7106/7. The alcohol problem would also be best addressed at a counselling session to find a way forward. But you need to be realistic too – your boyfriend has to want to get his drinking under control.

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HELPING MY EX

Question

I’m 27 and live with my boyfriend. My problem is my ex-boyfriend is sick and struggling financially so I’m helping him but I’m doing it behind my boyfriend’s back. I’m confused about what to do because I’m a nurse, partly thanks to the help my ex gave me.

Should I continue helping him without telling my man?

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Answer

It’s touching that you’re so loyal to your ex-boyfriend and want to help him but he is your ex for a reason. What about the loyalty you owe your current boyfriend? He doesn’t deserve to be in a relationship with someone who lies and sneaks behind his back to help her ex. Can you imagine what this could do to your boyfriend if he finds out about it and the damage it could do to your relationship?

If you really value your relationship, I suggest you be honest with your boyfriend and if he’s not comfortable with you continuing to help your ex then just stop. Secrets have a nasty way of coming out, so own up and be safe rather than sorry.

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