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Teni is a 23-year-old waitress and part time university student who is dating Kyle 25, who is also a student.
The two met while attending the same concert and started dating soon thereafter. While things have been lovely for the two, there is one big problem.
Kyle keeps taking Teni's hard-earned waitressing money. While she understands that money tends to get tight for most students, what she doesn't get is the fact that he keeps asking even after she's told him she doesn't have any to give.
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Read her story below.
"I met Kyle at one of my favourite band's concert and I was instantly attracted to him. We hung out for a few months before we started dating and have been together since then. I love Kyle and I think he makes the perfect boyfriend.
That is except for this one giant problem.
He always expects me to pay for everything and even goes as far as to ask me for money. One example is something that happened a few weeks ago, which I was really upset by.
My birthday was approaching. Knowing that neither of us had extra money to spare, and not wanting to make him feel bad or anything, I told him that I was okay with just chilling out at home, to which he agreed.
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To my surprise (and delight) the night before my birthday Kyle calls me and suggests we do dinner the next evening at one of my favourite restaurants. Assuming that he had borrowed money from a friend or his parents to be able to afford us doing something special on my birthday, I excitedly agreed.
The next day we went for my birthday dinner which was lovely, until the bill arrived.
Kyle suddenly had to use the bathroom urgently and stayed there for such a long time that I eventually settled the bill, which mind you, was not a small one. Almost as if he smelled that I had just settled the bill, he came out of the bathroom and acted as casual as ever.
What upsets me the most about this is the fact that I had explained to him that I was trying to save money to get myself a car and he agreed to be as helpful as he could, but he has been doing the exact opposite.
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He's always asking me to buy him petrol and airtime and pay for our dates, which I wouldn't mind if I didn't have other obligations. I understand that he might be having some financial trouble since he's still studying but I'm trying to be more responsible and I don't think he gets that.
I love him but I'm worried if this continues I may begin to resent him."
I spoke to relationship expert Shelley Lewin and she thinks that Teni needs to practice being more assertive with regards to what she wants and needs from her boyfriend Kyle. Read her advice to Teni below.
"It is evident that in this case, that the young woman’s actions are speaking louder than her words. E.g. “He can't hear what she is saying because her actions are so loud”. She is saying one thing and demonstrating something else.
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It is called mixed messages.
She doesn’t need to communicate anything different, her actions must simply be congruent and align with her words. When the bill arrives, she must refuse to pay. When he wants her to spend, follow-up with a loud and clear NO and give NO money." says Shelley.
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