DATING A SUGAR DADDY
I’m 27 and have been dating a 53-year-old man for 11 months. He treats me well and I love him. He stays alone and wants me to move in with him.
He says he wants to marry me. I’m worried about what my family will say because he’s 26 years older than me, and I haven’t told them yet. My friends know the guy. Do you think my family will judge him?
Yes, your family will judge him. However, you are almost 30 years old. If you were 18, I’d be more concerned about your age difference and his intentions. You say you love him. Just continue to be 100% clear about how you feel about him and what this relationship means to you.
If you are unclear, you’ll be immediately swayed by the criticism from the members of your family. I’m glad your friends know him because it says you are both willing to expose your love.
If you are clear about where you stand, and both jointly and individually stand for your relationship and present a united front, you will be fine. Love finds us all in different ways.
READ MORE: The pros and cons of dating older men
HE’S A FAST SHOOTER
I’m 30, my boyfriend is 31 and we’ve been together for 10 years. While I love him, even though we live together we only have sex once a week. Sometimes, we go the whole week without physical contact, and when we do, he doesn’t even last 15 minutes and ejaculates early. Please help me.
You need to have an honest talk with your boyfriend about your needs. Don’t tell him what he should and shouldn’t be doing. Talk about what you’d like to see happen in the relationship. Ask him if he thinks it can happen and what you can do together to make it possible.
Suggest that you get intimate more often so you can build up his stamina. You might both benefit from some counselling and perhaps advice for his premature ejaculation. Start by going to his regular GP or a urologist he trusts.
I WANT TO STOP CHEATING
I’ve been dating my girlfriend for over seven years and this festive season I cheated on her. When she confronted me, I panicked and became physical. I regret my actions and want to get help. I don’t want to repeat this mistake. Where can I get free help around Port Elizabeth?
I am not sure which problem you need help for: your cheating, your abusive behaviour or anger management and self-awareness? Firstly, why did you cheat on your girlfriend? Why do you need ego stroking, and what are you looking for that drives you to look outside a relationship you clearly value? Resorting to physical violence is disgusting and inexcusable.
Having said that, I acknowledge your request for help. You are not a monster and can see that your inability to manage your emotions and have honest communication endangers your girlfriend. You need to understand this can never happen again. For a referral to counselling in your area, contact Sonke Gender Justice at firstname.lastname@example.org or call 011- 339-3589, or call Mens Clinic International on 0860-362-867.
WE CAN’T MOVE ON
I’m 26 and recently reunited with my husband after two years apart where we saw other people. Recently, we started seeing each other again and I broke up with my boyfriend. He now keeps telling me it’s not easy to leave his girlfriend as they’ve just had a baby and I must wait. Is he lying? Should I wait for them to break up? We see each other every day.
Move on. Whether he is lying or not doesn’t really matter. Either he is able to commit to you or he isn’t. And either you can live with him being in regular contact with his girlfriend because of the baby, or not.
Frankly, it feels as if it will be full of drama for the rest of your life, so decide if you can live with that. He can’t keep you and the girlfriend on a string and you can’t cheat indefinitely. If you move on, make it a clean break.
HE WANTS TO PROPOSE
I’m 41 and dating a guy who is 30. We love each other and are always happy. He wants to propose and start negotiations for lobola but I really don’t feel ready.
Why are you not ready, and what doesn’t seem right for you at this moment? Is it too soon? Are you just not ready to settle down? Or are you scared to take the next step? Whatever the reason, you need to think it through and then talk it through with your guy.
It could be that you believe the proposal and lobola will change your love because of societal and social expectations. If he loves you, he’ll hear you out. First prize is that you can support and love each other whatever you decide right now. I wish you luck and happiness.