Q

Sex with him annoys me

I’ve been married for seven years and my husband has been on ARVs for two years. We’ve been using condoms since his diagnosis but now I can’t feel him properly and sex is no longer good – it just annoys me. How can I love him again?

A

If he’s HIV-positive and you’re HIV negative you’re what’s called a serodiscordant couple. This can come with a lot of anxieties and confusion but there’s no cause for alarm. You both need to talk about the challenges and together you should research techniques to enhance your love-making without jeopardising each other’s health. You could also see a sex therapist. You still love your husband so you need to acknowledge the change and find ways to make things work.

Q

My secret baby

I became pregnant when I was 17 and the father of my child told me to get an abortion. He wouldn’t come with me to the clinic so I kept the baby. He told me not to bring the baby to his family and I didn’t take her to my family either because I was scared to disappoint them and to get my aunt in trouble – I was staying with her when I had the baby. This year I met his family and they want to be part of our daughter’s life and pay damages. But I’m scared to tell my mom.

A

You have to be commended for the brave step you took of keeping the baby and raising her on your own. You made a decision you knew you could live with. The worst is over so now you need to do right by your baby – she deserves to know her maternal roots. Your mother has to understand that the baby’s father kept you away from his family and now that they know about the baby they’re willing to do the right thing. Speak to your aunt and ask her to talk to your mother. If all else fails you can get help from a family therapist at the Family Life Centre on 011-788-4788.