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I have spent my life receiving unsolicited advice. From my older siblings (I am the youngest of six) to kindly strangers on the Internet who feel this young, opinionated woman needs some guidance, everyone's a mentor.
Mostly, I am grateful for this. I have had access to some of the most wonderful advice.
Also enough horrible advice, and in-between advice, to be able to tell the difference.
Every now and then, I get "advice" from someone whose advice I neither want nor need.
Often this advice is about how I can best approach them, how I can convince them, and how I can make them view my opinion, and me, as worthy of respect.
The thought that they could adjust the way they approach me if they want my respect, or even time of day, doesn't occur to them.
These people are usually easily referred to as "mansplainers", though they're not always men.
They usually are men though, particularly older, straight, cisgendered white men, not because there's anything inherently wrong with being an older, straight, cisgendered white man, but because older, straight, cisgendered white men are usually used to a certain level of straight, cisgendered, white male privilege, and they are especially used to it because, being older, they come from an era that was even more blatantly racist, sexist, cissexist and homophobic.
It's the people who want to tell me what does and does not matter, what I should and should not care about, based on what personally does and does not personally affect them.
It's the privileged people who want less privileged people to just "get over" things like racism, sexism, cissexism and homophobia.
It's people who want to be blatantly racist, sexist, cissexist or homophobic around me, and then want to give me advice on how I can adjust my tone to appear sweeter when I call them out on it.
It's men who want to remind me every day that they believe women should be seen and not heard.
Despite what anti-feminist trolls would have you believe, I do try to keep my temper all of the time. I practice intense restraint, constantly monitor my own tone, and try to examine every topic from all points of view.
But there is a limit.
Sometimes, I actually don't care what you think, what you believe, and what you have to say.
This is a message for all of those individuals regarding your unsolicited, unwanted advice.
Let me explain something to you.
You are arrogant, dismissive, and privileged.
Your attitude and your views are toxic to anyone who is not also a privileged bigot.
You think it's OK to dismiss justified and reasonable requests to examine something you like for racism. You think it's OK to dismiss reasoned and deserved offence as "stupid". You think the world revolves around you and your kind.
You think you can lecture me on how I must approach you, on my tone, on whether or not I'm allowed to express frustration and anger.
I have news for you.
You are nothing but a relic from a previous age. Nothing you have to say is helpful, enlightening, or progressive.
No advice from you can help me in any way at all. You are simply bleating, demanding the world match your prejudices, that non-white races are OK with racism without complaint, that women never appear "rude".
With all sincerity, go fuck yourself.
I am not trying to reason with you, because you are too arrogant and wilfully ignorant to be reasoned with.
All I want you to know and understand is that what you think, what you say, what your opinion is, is bigotted, flawed, mostly useless and in some cases actively harmful.
I do not like you. I do not respect you.
I view you as an example of everything that is wrong with privileged culture, and aspire to be absolutely nothing like you.
Your opinion and advice is not as valuable as you think it is. In fact, it's worthless.
Do yourself, and everyone else a favour and, for once, shut up.
Follow Laura on Twitter or visit her blog.
Follow Women24 on Twitter and like us on Facebook.
Mostly, I am grateful for this. I have had access to some of the most wonderful advice.
Also enough horrible advice, and in-between advice, to be able to tell the difference.
Every now and then, I get "advice" from someone whose advice I neither want nor need.
Often this advice is about how I can best approach them, how I can convince them, and how I can make them view my opinion, and me, as worthy of respect.
The thought that they could adjust the way they approach me if they want my respect, or even time of day, doesn't occur to them.
These people are usually easily referred to as "mansplainers", though they're not always men.
They usually are men though, particularly older, straight, cisgendered white men, not because there's anything inherently wrong with being an older, straight, cisgendered white man, but because older, straight, cisgendered white men are usually used to a certain level of straight, cisgendered, white male privilege, and they are especially used to it because, being older, they come from an era that was even more blatantly racist, sexist, cissexist and homophobic.
It's the people who want to tell me what does and does not matter, what I should and should not care about, based on what personally does and does not personally affect them.
It's the privileged people who want less privileged people to just "get over" things like racism, sexism, cissexism and homophobia.
It's people who want to be blatantly racist, sexist, cissexist or homophobic around me, and then want to give me advice on how I can adjust my tone to appear sweeter when I call them out on it.
It's men who want to remind me every day that they believe women should be seen and not heard.
Despite what anti-feminist trolls would have you believe, I do try to keep my temper all of the time. I practice intense restraint, constantly monitor my own tone, and try to examine every topic from all points of view.
But there is a limit.
Sometimes, I actually don't care what you think, what you believe, and what you have to say.
This is a message for all of those individuals regarding your unsolicited, unwanted advice.
Let me explain something to you.
You are arrogant, dismissive, and privileged.
Your attitude and your views are toxic to anyone who is not also a privileged bigot.
You think it's OK to dismiss justified and reasonable requests to examine something you like for racism. You think it's OK to dismiss reasoned and deserved offence as "stupid". You think the world revolves around you and your kind.
You think you can lecture me on how I must approach you, on my tone, on whether or not I'm allowed to express frustration and anger.
I have news for you.
You are nothing but a relic from a previous age. Nothing you have to say is helpful, enlightening, or progressive.
No advice from you can help me in any way at all. You are simply bleating, demanding the world match your prejudices, that non-white races are OK with racism without complaint, that women never appear "rude".
With all sincerity, go fuck yourself.
I am not trying to reason with you, because you are too arrogant and wilfully ignorant to be reasoned with.
All I want you to know and understand is that what you think, what you say, what your opinion is, is bigotted, flawed, mostly useless and in some cases actively harmful.
I do not like you. I do not respect you.
I view you as an example of everything that is wrong with privileged culture, and aspire to be absolutely nothing like you.
Your opinion and advice is not as valuable as you think it is. In fact, it's worthless.
Do yourself, and everyone else a favour and, for once, shut up.
Follow Laura on Twitter or visit her blog.
Follow Women24 on Twitter and like us on Facebook.
