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It would seem everyone’s concerned about angry feminists -
from respected thought leaders to News24 commenters.
To be a woman or, worse, a feminist, is to be reminded at least once a day that you must monitor your tone if you wish to make an impact on the world. Do not be emotional, do not be angry, do not be loud. Do not swear. Be polite and respectful at all times.
If you are not, you may find your opinions, no matter how reasonable, are easily dismissed. You are an “angry feminist”, therefore nothing you say is valid.
To be perfectly fair, I agree with certain basics behind some of these arguments. Unnecessary rudeness and aggression is detrimental to any message. Other than a bit of fun, there is nothing to be gained from losing your temper.
I have no problem trying to remain civil and rational in my discussions. My problems with “tone arguments” lie elsewhere.
First, I have a problem with my tone (and the tone of other women and feminists) being over-policed.
I think the fairest objection to a person’s tone can be summed up in the phrase, “that was uncalled for”.
Sometimes, anger is uncalled for. Sometimes emotions, swear words, harsher tones and the refusal to shut up about a topic is unjustified and pointless.
Other times, they are perfectly reasonable, justified responses, and it is the attacks on the person utilizing them that is uncalled for.
When the situation merits it, I swear. When it is justified, I am angry. When it calls for a harsher tone, I use one. When I receive inflammatory language, I may respond in kind.
I do not and will not apologize for any of this, and I do not appreciate being expected to.
I have also found that I do not even need to show anger to be labelled angry.
It can be considered “impolite” to do anything from disagree with a man, to mention rape culture. For obvious reasons, I can’t even pretend to take advice from those with these ridiculous standards to heart.
Second, I have a problem with my tone being policed by those who do not care to adjust their own.
I’ve had outspoken racists, homophobes and rape apologists complain because I swear. I’ve had men use known silencing techniques on me, (which are inflammatory towards any feminist), and then show shock and horror when I am less than polite in return.
When challenging a man’s decision to focus on the fact that a feminist used the phrase “fuck you” towards him instead of more important issues, I was met, not with an effort to remain polite, civil and open to my criticisms, (exactly what he expected from the swearing feminist), but with snarky sarcasm and dismissal – the other way of saying “fuck you” to someone.
I have been told by the same people who toss uncalled for, unnecessary attacks at me and other women that my objections could be heard by them if only I frame my words in a way that is pleasing enough for them to want to listen.
I have no desire to try silence those who wish to offer advice. However, if you want us feminists to change our tone, and you want to tell us that, I suggest you look at yours first.
If you are merely waggling your finger while your own tone is inflammatory, arrogant, overly focussed on your own hurt feelings and overly-critical, do not be surprised when you are ignored or told where you can stick your advice.
Third, I have a problem with a feminist’s tone being treated as the most important problem in the room.
If you show very little interest in supporting feminists in issues that are fair and in need of support, you may find your “advice” regarding tone treated with a certain amount of suspicion.
There is a suggestion of a scale. I do not expect every person to speak out about the same causes that matter to me. I certainly don’t speak up about every cause that matters to others.
If, however, you have repeatedly shown no interest in feminist causes, I will find your decision to speak out against the tone of feminists a little bit messed up priorities-wise.
There are worse things in the world than an angry feminist. Some of it the things that cause a feminist to be angry, to start with.
Follow Laura on Twitter.
Follow Women24 on Twitter or like us on Facebook.
To be a woman or, worse, a feminist, is to be reminded at least once a day that you must monitor your tone if you wish to make an impact on the world. Do not be emotional, do not be angry, do not be loud. Do not swear. Be polite and respectful at all times.
If you are not, you may find your opinions, no matter how reasonable, are easily dismissed. You are an “angry feminist”, therefore nothing you say is valid.
To be perfectly fair, I agree with certain basics behind some of these arguments. Unnecessary rudeness and aggression is detrimental to any message. Other than a bit of fun, there is nothing to be gained from losing your temper.
I have no problem trying to remain civil and rational in my discussions. My problems with “tone arguments” lie elsewhere.
First, I have a problem with my tone (and the tone of other women and feminists) being over-policed.
I think the fairest objection to a person’s tone can be summed up in the phrase, “that was uncalled for”.
Sometimes, anger is uncalled for. Sometimes emotions, swear words, harsher tones and the refusal to shut up about a topic is unjustified and pointless.
Other times, they are perfectly reasonable, justified responses, and it is the attacks on the person utilizing them that is uncalled for.
When the situation merits it, I swear. When it is justified, I am angry. When it calls for a harsher tone, I use one. When I receive inflammatory language, I may respond in kind.
I do not and will not apologize for any of this, and I do not appreciate being expected to.
I have also found that I do not even need to show anger to be labelled angry.
It can be considered “impolite” to do anything from disagree with a man, to mention rape culture. For obvious reasons, I can’t even pretend to take advice from those with these ridiculous standards to heart.
Second, I have a problem with my tone being policed by those who do not care to adjust their own.
I’ve had outspoken racists, homophobes and rape apologists complain because I swear. I’ve had men use known silencing techniques on me, (which are inflammatory towards any feminist), and then show shock and horror when I am less than polite in return.
When challenging a man’s decision to focus on the fact that a feminist used the phrase “fuck you” towards him instead of more important issues, I was met, not with an effort to remain polite, civil and open to my criticisms, (exactly what he expected from the swearing feminist), but with snarky sarcasm and dismissal – the other way of saying “fuck you” to someone.
I have been told by the same people who toss uncalled for, unnecessary attacks at me and other women that my objections could be heard by them if only I frame my words in a way that is pleasing enough for them to want to listen.
I have no desire to try silence those who wish to offer advice. However, if you want us feminists to change our tone, and you want to tell us that, I suggest you look at yours first.
If you are merely waggling your finger while your own tone is inflammatory, arrogant, overly focussed on your own hurt feelings and overly-critical, do not be surprised when you are ignored or told where you can stick your advice.
Third, I have a problem with a feminist’s tone being treated as the most important problem in the room.
If you show very little interest in supporting feminists in issues that are fair and in need of support, you may find your “advice” regarding tone treated with a certain amount of suspicion.
There is a suggestion of a scale. I do not expect every person to speak out about the same causes that matter to me. I certainly don’t speak up about every cause that matters to others.
If, however, you have repeatedly shown no interest in feminist causes, I will find your decision to speak out against the tone of feminists a little bit messed up priorities-wise.
There are worse things in the world than an angry feminist. Some of it the things that cause a feminist to be angry, to start with.
Follow Laura on Twitter.
Follow Women24 on Twitter or like us on Facebook.
