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So, I’m currently on a fly-fishing trip in the Amazon, on the Bolivian side.
I am not really the sporty, adventurous type who clocks in at 5 AM every morning to start preparing flies and rods or disentangle fly line. Truth be told, I haven’t even casted yet. Not once.
I’m here because I accompanied my husband on his expedition. It so happens that I really love the jungle so as long as the accommodation is superb, I’m in!
This, evidently, is not how all women (or their husbands) feel as, out of the six other fishermen I am the only female guest here.
As much as I naturally miss the occasional bonding session, a titbit of gossip, the constant chatter and a make-up tip or two, in being away from the amazing energy women bring to the world I’ve been offered a front row seat to uninterrupted and authentic male interaction. Riveting.
It’s like being granted a behind the scenes look of a major blockbuster film revealing what the actors are really like without all the cameras present. And, this is a good thing.
Women expect a lot from men when we’re with them. Correctly so! We naturally give so much of ourselves and it’s only fair to expect the same amount of effort from them, right?
Well, I am not disagreeing with this argument and I’ll always be a girls type of girl, but being in this unusual position that I find myself in, I want to defend our opposing sex here.
I don’t think, as women, we always see just how hard they try to give us emotional support and the emotive boost we so badly need to function normally. For us, it comes naturally to respond encouragingly to a sad or difficult situation.
We offer kind, soft and nurturing care really easily and we sometimes feel let down by our men when they don’t respond to our own personal hurdles with the same sensitivity.
We often interpret this as them not caring, not understanding or not wanting to understand. I can categorically state that, based on my simple and micro case study, this is not the case.
They feel and sympathise deeply. Their way of conveying and communicating this just differs vastly from how we do it and how we would actually prefer to have it done.
I’ll explain:
Last night one of the fishermen at our dinner table shared with us a very tragic story. He was talking about how much he and his son enjoy fishing together and that it’s actually his son who drags him to all these remote destinations.
I found this to be odd as his son wasn’t with us, so I enquired about why his son didn’t join him this time. I got the sense that he wanted someone to ask. He told us the heart breaking reason for this;
His son was shot and killed three weeks ago, in front of his own house, in an attempted hi-jacking.
The criminals made off with nothing but the life of this 38 year old man, husband and son. His father, who was sitting opposite me at the dinner table, was at Oliver Tambo airport when he received news of his son’s murder.
He still had to get on the Gautrain to make his way to his son’s home in Inanda. To hold him one more, very final time.
I was naturally very overcome by this story and couldn’t keep my tears to myself while he was describing how they’ve been going on fishing trips together since he was a little boy.
He was becoming quite upset himself and at times choked up heavily when describing their past adventures. I, logically, kept offering words of sympathy and encouragement.
The other men just sat around listening, heads bowed, sipping their wine. In complete and utter silence.
In a female conversation this interaction would go entirely differently. Women would never just sit there. They would do something. Remaining uninvolved would not be received well either.
I became concerned for this man about the lack of communicative participation from the other men, but he didn’t seem to be bothered by this at all. He accepted it and he knew that they felt intensely for him. He knew that they were showing this but in their way. The only way they know how.
After a few minutes of unbearable (for me) silence, the fisherman at the head of the table raised his glass to make a toast:
‘Let’s catch some big Dorado for him tomorrow. That’s what he would’ve wanted!’
This instantly broke the morbid mood and the table fell into enthusiastic conversation about the next day’s fishing, best flies and other Amazonian river tricks.
I could see the father fisherman felt comforted. He was able to share and his pain was accepted. That was all he needed.
As women, we need more. We need the words, the hugs, the touches and the tears. Naturally, a man will never comfort another man the same way he would a woman, but I honestly believe that the sincere compassion is always there. They feel it and although their showing is not our perception of receiving - it’s THERE!
So, next time your man doesn’t immediately offer your various reasons and solutions for why Wendy snubbed you at Sarah’s birthday party, just know that seeing you hurt breaks his heart and he’ll do anything to fix it.
He just doesn’t know what to raise his glass and toast to.
Follow Women24 on Twitter and like us on Facebook.
I am not really the sporty, adventurous type who clocks in at 5 AM every morning to start preparing flies and rods or disentangle fly line. Truth be told, I haven’t even casted yet. Not once.
I’m here because I accompanied my husband on his expedition. It so happens that I really love the jungle so as long as the accommodation is superb, I’m in!
This, evidently, is not how all women (or their husbands) feel as, out of the six other fishermen I am the only female guest here.
As much as I naturally miss the occasional bonding session, a titbit of gossip, the constant chatter and a make-up tip or two, in being away from the amazing energy women bring to the world I’ve been offered a front row seat to uninterrupted and authentic male interaction. Riveting.
It’s like being granted a behind the scenes look of a major blockbuster film revealing what the actors are really like without all the cameras present. And, this is a good thing.
Women expect a lot from men when we’re with them. Correctly so! We naturally give so much of ourselves and it’s only fair to expect the same amount of effort from them, right?
Well, I am not disagreeing with this argument and I’ll always be a girls type of girl, but being in this unusual position that I find myself in, I want to defend our opposing sex here.
I don’t think, as women, we always see just how hard they try to give us emotional support and the emotive boost we so badly need to function normally. For us, it comes naturally to respond encouragingly to a sad or difficult situation.
We offer kind, soft and nurturing care really easily and we sometimes feel let down by our men when they don’t respond to our own personal hurdles with the same sensitivity.
We often interpret this as them not caring, not understanding or not wanting to understand. I can categorically state that, based on my simple and micro case study, this is not the case.
They feel and sympathise deeply. Their way of conveying and communicating this just differs vastly from how we do it and how we would actually prefer to have it done.
I’ll explain:
Last night one of the fishermen at our dinner table shared with us a very tragic story. He was talking about how much he and his son enjoy fishing together and that it’s actually his son who drags him to all these remote destinations.
I found this to be odd as his son wasn’t with us, so I enquired about why his son didn’t join him this time. I got the sense that he wanted someone to ask. He told us the heart breaking reason for this;
His son was shot and killed three weeks ago, in front of his own house, in an attempted hi-jacking.
The criminals made off with nothing but the life of this 38 year old man, husband and son. His father, who was sitting opposite me at the dinner table, was at Oliver Tambo airport when he received news of his son’s murder.
He still had to get on the Gautrain to make his way to his son’s home in Inanda. To hold him one more, very final time.
I was naturally very overcome by this story and couldn’t keep my tears to myself while he was describing how they’ve been going on fishing trips together since he was a little boy.
He was becoming quite upset himself and at times choked up heavily when describing their past adventures. I, logically, kept offering words of sympathy and encouragement.
The other men just sat around listening, heads bowed, sipping their wine. In complete and utter silence.
In a female conversation this interaction would go entirely differently. Women would never just sit there. They would do something. Remaining uninvolved would not be received well either.
I became concerned for this man about the lack of communicative participation from the other men, but he didn’t seem to be bothered by this at all. He accepted it and he knew that they felt intensely for him. He knew that they were showing this but in their way. The only way they know how.
After a few minutes of unbearable (for me) silence, the fisherman at the head of the table raised his glass to make a toast:
‘Let’s catch some big Dorado for him tomorrow. That’s what he would’ve wanted!’
This instantly broke the morbid mood and the table fell into enthusiastic conversation about the next day’s fishing, best flies and other Amazonian river tricks.
I could see the father fisherman felt comforted. He was able to share and his pain was accepted. That was all he needed.
As women, we need more. We need the words, the hugs, the touches and the tears. Naturally, a man will never comfort another man the same way he would a woman, but I honestly believe that the sincere compassion is always there. They feel it and although their showing is not our perception of receiving - it’s THERE!
So, next time your man doesn’t immediately offer your various reasons and solutions for why Wendy snubbed you at Sarah’s birthday party, just know that seeing you hurt breaks his heart and he’ll do anything to fix it.
He just doesn’t know what to raise his glass and toast to.
Follow Women24 on Twitter and like us on Facebook.
