The parents of a 14-year-old boy who was raped by his 22 year-old neighbour are furious with him.

Annette van der Walt, the mom's best friend, who is married and has a 2-year-old daughter, is now serving five-years in jail for sex with a minor.

Under South African law, sex with a minor is rape, yet the boy's parents don't seem to view it that way.

According to the Rapport, the child's mother commented that "it takes two to tango". His father says that, while his son sits smiling after he "used" Van der Walt, she has lost her husband and child.

This attitude towards the rape of boys is not uncommon.

Late last year, in an interview with The Guardian, Chris Brown revealed the fact that he was raped when he was 8 years old by a girl who was about 14 or 15.

He didn't call it rape. He called it "losing his virginity", and he grinned and chuckled. 

To Chris, that sex is a boast. It's something he gets to show off, as a sign of how manly he is. 8 years old and fucking bitches already? Totally alpha male, bro.

Years ago, I had a friend with a similar "boast". He lost his virginity when he was 13 years old to a much older girl. It was supposed to be his "birthday present".

Like Chris Brown, my friend grew to show almost all the warning signs of a person who has been abused. He never became abusive, but he does, to this day, suffer from terrible depression, anxiety, and anger, and he struggles to trust and relate to women.

Edit: It's been pointed out that it seems like I am pushing the myth that men who were abused are likely to be abusive, which is not my meaning. I am just trying to make it clear that, while I do compare my friend to Chris Brown here, I want to make sure to distance my friend from the abusive behaviour Chris Brown is noted for.

In fact, as Olivia A. Cole observed soon after the Chris Brown story made headlines, the men and boys who have had sex too young, usually with women much older than them, (in other words, men and boys who were raped) display exactly the same signs we know to look out for when girls are raped: depression, promiscuity, unexplained anger, and anxiety.

This includes men and boys who don't even look on their own experience as rape. Who view it as something to boast about, because they are told, by society, that having sex with women is what makes you a man.

They're told sex is something men "do" to women, so that even when a 14 year old boy is raped, he's told that the adult woman is the real victim in the situation.

This is sick.

Let's make this clear. Sex with an 8 year-old is rape. Sex with a 13 year-old is rape. Sex with a 14 year-old is rape.

Sex with a minor is rape.

It doesn't matter if the child in question wanted the sex, not even if he begged for the sex. It doesn't matter if the child is male. 

And yet society doesn't quite seem to grasp this, because we are so obsessed with boys having sex to prove their worth, we actually applaud a child for "getting laid" and tell him it's something he gets to boast about.

Yes, when you're 14 you're as horny as a kid who's hit puberty, but that doesn't mean you're emotionally prepared for sex, especially for sex with someone much older than you, or sex with an adult.

A dismissive attitude towards child rape victims is becoming more and more common, even amongst judges. Over and over again, children are treated as seducers, their adult rapists as the "real victims".

When the victim is a girl, she's attacked for everything from the clothes to wear to whether or not she wears make-up.

When the victim is a boy, he's dismissed as someone who naturally wanted sex. Even the word "rape" is seldom used in his case. Even he himself will probably be so used to the idea that having sex is something he needs to try do as soon as possible, he'll consider his own rape something to be proud of.

The same problematic attitude is behind both: The belief that men are natural sexual predators.

Girls are told to cover-up, to stay home, to constantly make themselves as un-sexy as possible, because, if they're too sexy, men can't be blamed for raping them.

And boys...

When boys are abused by much older women, they're still seen as the natural instigators, the obvious predators, the ones who really want and have to try get sex, the ones who really are in sexual control.

The thought that they might be rape victims, that they might need counselling and help, doesn't even seem to occur to people.

Sometimes, not even to their parents.

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