Dear Saffiya 

I am writing to you from the future. I am you, twenty-five years later.

On Life: 

You will experience the highest of highs and lowest of feelings, remember whilst on this rollercoaster, just breathe. You are stronger than you think. You are resilient and determined.

"There will be moments you feel you won’t survive, you are here so guess what? you made it so don’t be afraid to be different, never be ashamed of who you are. "

Some people will like you and some people won’t, this is life, you should never be a pleaser, it’s important to be authentic to yourself. Say what you mean and mean what you say.

You will make some choices to be the way you are in order to survive your life. Many may not understand these choices. With choices comes responsibility of action and acknowledgment if they turn out to be not such a good idea, that you embrace it and see it as a Learn from it.

There are times when you will have to be cruel to be kind, recognize that the need to be cruel to others is really for you to protect yourself and not to be taken advantage off.

Please stop telling yourself you are not worthy, beautiful enough or good enough. You will have true friendships or unconditional love of those who think you are.

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You will also learn that opinions and judgements from society actually don’t matter. Forgive yourself for walking away from bad situations. You will have tunnel vision when it comes to how you see things, do not be so hard on yourself when you realise that you were wrong.

You will lose those closest to you by death, you will lose people by their own choices, and you will also walk away from people and situations. As much as it hurts or breaks your heart, you will get through it.

There will be moments you feel you won’t survive, you are here so guess what, you made it! Don’t be afraid to be different. Never be ashamed of who you are.  

"Despite the heartache of this first ending, this gift will overshadow the hurt."

On Marriage:

Right now all you can think about is being in love and loving. The young love with all the romantic overtures. Reality is far from the fairy-tale novels. You will be left wondering what went wrong.

You will put it down to you not being good enough. Please don’t. You are good enough. You will receive the best and most precious gift from this relationship. You will look at this gift as a blessing and a blessing it will be.

Despite the heartache of this first ending, this gift will overshadow the hurt. Whatever lessons you learn here might be remembered or not.

On a Priceless Gift:

Being a mother will be the greatest achievement of your life. It will take you on an unexpected journey that will constantly surprise, educate and fulfil you! The bond between a mother and her son is inexplicable, it is mixed with happiness, joy, worry and concern.

Each moment, each memory will be etched in your heart.

He will be a kind, well-mannered and phenomenal human being.

"Either you're in a relationship that makes you happy, or you're not."

You may at some point realise that some things will need to be sacrificed for him, you will embrace that sacrifice and in return you will be rewarded with joy and unending love, your son will be the essence of you and your legacy will live on in him. 

On Love Again:

The second try at love, might just be déjà vu, because you did not learn from the past. It may be more painful than the first heartbreak. At some point maybe flying solo is what you are meant to do.

Whatever your state of mind, you will however evolve into a new, more mature  Saffiya — determined to put the past and the mistakes you’ve made, behind you and start afresh.

At the end of it you will look back at how this shaped you. We are human and we are bound to have incongruous relationships, but, as they say, It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.

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Either you're in a relationship that makes you happy, or you're not. It’s going to hurt like hell for you as you are a deep sensitive being, you will feel let down and betrayed because you committed yourself wholeheartedly and that commitment was not valued by the other.

On Soul People:

You will find people who just 'get you' the souls you knew a long time ago who transcended to this plain. They could be your soulsisters, your best friends, or have blood ties with you. This person/s will be part of your every day life, helping you, advising you, accepting you despite whatever comes your way.

"You will only realise later, that relying on love and others to hold you up was overrated – only you can do it for you. You are complete."

Never left go of this person/s when you do meet them.  A soul remembers the bond and connection; thats why you can never truly encapsulate this relationship. 

On You:

We are connected forever. I am with you when you cry in the shower; when you laugh until you snort, when you talk to yourself, it’s always been you and me.

You will smile once you are here, battle scarred but you will have amazing merit badges to show for it. You will only realise later, that relying on love and others to hold you up was overrated – only you can do it for you. You are complete.

Quit the negative self-talk, if you’d only been a better wife, a better friend, a better whatever, then you’d be loved. I seldom tell you how much I love you. How much I admire you. How beautiful, caring, intelligent and strong you are.

That you are my hero for getting through these years. You have a mighty heart Saffiya, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

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