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It’s no secret that our president is a chauvinist with a long history of making problematic remarks about women. This weekend, Jacob Zuma was at it again.
Speaking to a group of female journalists on Saturday, he said that “when men compliment [women] innocently, you say it's harassment. You will miss out on good men and marriage.”
There are countless resources available on why street harassment is not flattering, and I encourage you to do some research. For now, let me explain in a nutshell why catcalls and wolf whistles from strangers are not compliments.
Commenting on a woman’s appearance immediately reduces her to an object. To you, she is nothing more than her looks. Saying “Hey cutie” or “Looking good, baby!” or “I’d like to bury my face in that ass” — yeah, don’t do that.
It also implies that women exist for men’s viewing pleasure. She did not ask for your thoughts on her appearance; believing you have the right to give it — or that she should be grateful for your unsolicited opinion — is presumptuous.
Men tell me to smile. They don’t know me. They don’t know if I’ve just been dumped or lost my job or if my dog died. They are not entitled to my attention or my smile. It’s my face and I will look as pissed off as I damn well please.
Having a man shout comments at you in public is humiliating. You feel self-conscious because now people are looking at you. You get flustered. It’s threatening too: You immediately check if there are people around who would help you if anything happens. You have to decide in a split second whether to respond, because the reaction might be violent.
The thing is, no woman would turn around and run to this man, shouting “Finally! Thank God! I must have you now!” I’m fairly certain any man would be freaked out if it actually happened. Because catcalling is not about wanting to date women. It’s about putting us in our place.
Not condemning street harassment makes you a participant in rape culture. I don’t mean that guys who catcall will eventually rape, but their actions show other men what is considered socially acceptable. It reinforces a culture wherein women’s bodies belong to men.
One time, a security guard followed me into an empty parking garage, insisting on getting my number. He forcibly tried to stop me from closing my car door.
One time, I was in a Cape Town bar, bending down to pick up my bag, and a complete stranger slapped my ass.
One time, a man sitting on a bench in a park said “Hey sexy” as I walked past. When I ignored him, he started screaming at me.
One time, a man in a shopping centre followed me, asking increasingly intrusive questions, until I told him he was making me uncomfortable. He shouted at me until I was out of hearing range.
Tell me, Mr President, which one of these should I have taken as a compliment?
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