Socialite Zodwa Wabantu’s reality show Zodwa Wabantu Uncensored keeps dropping bombshells.
Before it even aired on Moja Love, the promo shocked people revealing that she once shared a man with media personality Khanyi Mbau when she was still a waitress. This man is none other than Khanyi’s ex-husband, Mandla Mthembu.
In a recent episode of the show, the two ladies had a sit down and talked woman to woman. It turned out that there’s a possibility that Zodwa’s 13-year-old son – who is the same age as Khanyi’s daughter – might be Mandla’s son.
This revelation shocked Khanyi but Zodwa said she doesn’t know the father of her child and so it is possible the Mandla might be the one.
In a previous interview with Move! Zodwa admitted that she had a three-year affair with Mandla during his marriage with Khanyi.
Zodwa was open to a DNA test so they can actually confirm their suspicion. Khanyi was left teary and in disbelief.
Other women who have found themselves in similar predicaments have written to Move! and this is how our experts advised them.
Counselor at The Family Life Centre Lenasia South office, Mandisa Muruge advises.
The only reason an ex-wife would involve herself in such a predicament is for the sake of her children. If these kids were born around the same time, there might be a chance that later on in life, they might be involved romantically if it's a boy and a girl. They might fall in love not knowing that they are siblings.
Another reason to be involved as an ex-wife is to make sure that these kids grow up knowing that they share the same father. They can develop their own relationship as siblings as they grow, later on in life these siblings will also have families.
Knowing if they are siblings will tighten their family bond for the next generation of their offspring. But to make sure that the kids are siblings the father must go for paternity test. Once that is done, then the women can continue being civil towards each other for the sake of the children. When the time is right, they can introduce the children to their families.
Hiding the truth from the children can create a lot of challenges later on in life. There is no short cut in telling the kids the truth than telling it like it is. But find a way to tell them in a comfortable environment.
If the reason for the divorce was because of the other relationship. Do not mention that to the children, because you don't want to burden them with the guilt of being the reason a marriage fell apart. That would not sit well with them.
The best way to deal with the situation is to involve a trained councillor. Family life center can assist in such situations.
How to cope when your man impregnates his side chick
I’m a 28-year-old woman who has been in a relationship with the father of my son for six years. Our second baby is on the way. My problem is that he also impregnated another woman three years ago. I then forgave him. But the woman recently gave birth to her second child, whom I suspect is my boyfriend’s. When I ask my boyfriend about this, he says he is not sure if the baby is his. I don’t know if I should ask him to do a DNA test or believe that he is being honest with me. This is stressing me and it’s not healthy for the baby. What must I do? - Anonymous from Kempton Park.
Move Expert responds:
Lorna Schofield, a psychologist under the Health Professions Council of South Africa (HPCSA) in East London, says, “It seems like a good time to assess whether this relationship is one in which you can realise your dreams. As humans, we do better in relationships where we feel safe and emotionally supported. It may feel like your well-being rests on asking him whether the baby is his. The fact that he has not been open and honest with you is worrying. If he does not become aware of the consequences of his infidelity, there is a high chance the cheating will continue and if it does, you are better off out of the relationship. I also recommend counselling for the both of you.”
Anonymous from Mahikeng
My boyfriend and I have been dating for six years. He has always been there for me all these years and we have a child together. Our problems started when he cheated on me and impregnated another woman. They now have a child together. I forgave him because I love him. But I’m still struggling to come to terms with the fact that he cheated on me. I always cry or shout at him.
Sis Naledi responds:
You may think that you forgave him but your emotions say something else. This man betrayed you deeply and you still found a way to continue in a relationship with him. I hope you are not with him out of fear that you will be alone. Get professional help to deal with your emotions first. Then ask him if he’s willing to go for couples’ counselling to restore the trust in your relationship. Forgiveness runs deeper than just saying sorry and moving on. A lot needs to be worked through emotionally to get to complete forgiveness.