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It's one thing to admit to abusing a former partner, it's another to provide an 'excuse' for having committed the criminal act of assault.
Power FM anchor, Aldrin Sampear, recently spoke about the abuse that his mother endured when he was younger.
He also spoke about how his mother would “provoke” his step-father.
READ MORE: AT A GLANCE: Gauteng has the highest number of reported rape cases in SA
Eldrin further revealed that he had also physically abused two of his former partners.
The host explains why he abused his first victim, a former girlfriend named Valentine, while he was in his teens.
“Valentine really pissed me off that day,” he says.
Explaining that he beat up another girlfriend at a later stage, he says the incident took place because he felt like “uyangidelela” (she disrespected me).
The radio host suggests he “outgrew” his violent behaviour because he witnessed his father who “always knew how to hold back”.
This comes on the heels of police minister Bheki Cele announcing that the police had received more than 87 000 gender-based violence calls in the first week of the national lockdown.
Similarly, W24 recently reported on the increase in gender-based violence as women find themselves locked up in their homes with abusive partners in lockdowns.
READ MORE: What we've learnt from the Gender-based Violence and Femicide Summit
Despite calls by various parts of society to see abuse for what it really is - a crime - instead of victim blaming, men often try to make excuses for their destructive behaviour.
Some social media users were not happy about Aldrin's revelations. One of the critiques is that abusers were given a platform to 'explain' their reasons for being abusive:
He's got men talking about how they're victims even when they abuse women. ??@Powerfm987 how do you allow such conversations on your platform? 87000 women reported GBV in the last week and you think it's fine for abusers to be given a platform?
— Vaseline Dion* (@PearlPillay) April 3, 2020
READ MORE: Here are 5 apps developed to help keep women safe
Others condemn the lack of accountability by the host:
Aldrin blamed his mother, a victim of abuse, for the fact that he assaulted his own girlfriend. Men really just scan the room and find the closest woman to blame.
— Malerato Nnyeo (@NthabiWabi) April 3, 2020
Abusers (Men) are given a platform to vent their frustrations about being abusive. 87 000 GBV related incidents reported since Lockdown and the approach is giving men airtime to talk and vent?
— Luyanda Dlamini?? (@Luyanda_D__) April 3, 2020
READ MORE: Heterosexual men in red lipstick will not put an end to violence against women and children
If you are a woman and you have been abused, it is never your fault. Abusers choose to abuse and should take accountability for the behaviour.
Victim-blaming only inflicts secondary abuse on the survivors of gender-based violence.
If you or someone you know needs help, you can contact one of the organisations below:
Gender-based violence Command Centre: “Please call me” facility: *120*7867# Emergency line: 0800 428 428
POWA helpline: 011 642 4345
SADAG has a WhatsApp counselling line that operates from 9am to 4pm: 076 882 2775
To speak to a SADAG counsellor: 0800 567 567
Tears Foundation helpline: *134*7355#
Have you been abused? Tell us your story here.
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