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Why condemning Joost for his past mistakes is not an act of feminism

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Yesterday, as the news of Joost van der Westhuizen’s death broke and thousands took to Twitter to express regret, well wishes and condolences to his family, some people did the opposite.

One guy took the opportunity to express his hatred for white people, while another woman used his death to criticise not just the man, but all who admire him.

I am not going to name the man or the woman, because I am uncomfortable with our culture of social media lynching. I've not been following the drama with the racist dude, but already some of the tweets that have been directed at the woman were as bad, if not worse, than her original comments.

Read more: Gigi Hadid faces social media backlash for racist comments

So why am I bothering to write this then? Well, mostly, because I was horrified by the levels of vitriol, the lack of empathy, and the disingenuousness of the woman’s standpoint. And frankly, as a feminist, I feel that type of thing is really bad for our cause.  

So I’m making a list of things decent people – decent feminist people – don’t do:

1)      We do not call a painful, debilitating, fatal disease “karma”

In the same way that we don’t torture those who do us wrong, or murder murderers, we do not wish awful diseases on people who’ve messed up. We accept that everyone makes mistakes and we try to forgive where we can.

Most of all, we don’t rejoice in the suffering of others. I don’t know much about karma, but I’m pretty sure that would count as the bad type.

2)      We do not use terms like ‘rape culture’ lightly


We live in a world where sexual violence and harassment are rife and go largely unpunished. The concept of rape culture goes a long way in explaining why this happens. Examining it, identifying instances of its occurrence and fighting it where we can are all key in changing the world to a safer place for victims.

The moment you start using the term rape culture – which is the systematic trivialising and normalising of sexual abuse – when referring to consensual situations (as far as the sexual activity was concerned, remember, Joost did not consent to be filmed) you are being actively disingenuous and are hurting the cause.

3)      We do not call someone who cheated on his wife an abuser of women


Everyone who’s ever been cheated on knows how much it hurts. When someone cheats on you they hurt your feelings, damage something you both built and abuse your trust. But it’s not abuse. While cheating can form part of a cycle of abuse in an abusive relationship if the person cheats with the clear intent to break you down and ruin your self-esteem, this is rarely the case.

Not honouring marriage vows and promises of fidelity is a grievous mistake, but it’s not abuse. And pretending that it is, on behalf of the woman who endured it, is unfair to victims of domestic abuse everywhere.

4)      We do not look down on sex workers

Or strippers, in this case. You don’t know their lives, and you have no idea why they do what they do.


5)      We do not judge people we don’t know as not respecting their families

Van der Westhuizen made a huge mistake seven years ago. It was wrong and it was tacky, and he paid for it. He was fired from his job, his wife left him and he was humiliated worldwide.

Surely that’s your pound of flesh right there? By all accounts, including from the mother of his kids, he was a great father. Saying he didn’t respect his family is just nonsense. Saying something like that on the day of his death after a stupendous fight against a horrific illness is in fact, disrespecting his family.

So yeah, I don’t want this woman to get any more messages of hate. If there’s one thing I know – from personal experience, both from being guilty of it, and from being at the receiving end of it - people are pretty miserable creatures on social media.

But I also don’t want anyone thinking she’s speaking for me.

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